3/9/2014
I could say that this is after a very long time i have come here to type on something again, but nah you know, senior 3 students are a little bit busier than they thought. Recently, i have decided to really put my effort up in order to further up my studies in future. Hence, time management is out of order and the time i left, sad to say but i had use it for games.
Currently i am at the chrome lab to study with Lim, he is going out to take some water and so i came across this idea, to type before him and than study later. This is why am i here^^
Anyway, senior 3 life is boring like shit. Even do the exams is quite tough and make me feel very interesting but the preparation is way hell than ever you could thought off. Still, I deeply believe that I will make the best record of myself. Race up to the top of my hill, and win this freaking race.
I have asked God numerous times about my suffering and why can't have my success in my freaking life. There is no answer for ages and I feel like hitting my head on the bricks.
One day, God replied me... Can you believe it? He replied to me when i am on board of a bus. Suck moment, but very surprising.
He told me:
"Son, you always complained about your failures and why there are so many stones in your path. First of all, why are you complaining? "
He continued:
"Didn't i said that my grace will be sufficient for you daily? Didn't i defeat death alone? Didn't i forgive you when your screw was loosen? And here you are to complaining to me that your life wasn't good enough. what problem are you?"
then i argued:
"God, but it is just not fair that people can go through life as easy as they like, they have no problems with their life, but i have! That's not fair! "
Then only i realize that I have said the wrong thing. Still, my heart didn't want to lose out in this private conversation. Thought that He will seize me and straight leave out of my life, He didn't, yet He asked:
"Son, are you strong? "
"No, i am weak like shit."
"Tell me, do you think you strong?"
"NO! Only in Christ i am strong."
"See, that's it. You are mine, son. Look at you yourself right now, didn't you are strong? The reason why i put this rock in your path is not that i wish to make your life tougher or for you to prove me that you are strong. The reason why i put this rock in of your life is so that you will become strong by depending on me."
I confused...
"Look at you right now, failures and failures, yet you still stand up and never fall. Look at you, didn't all the mess makes you think further and further. Look at you right now, didn't you become stronger? The way you deal with people and anger, the way where you handling your crisis and emotions. Didn't they improved? "
"You are weak, but with me you will be strong. Depend on me, for I am a Jealous God. My people stray their path and mocked me. Hence, I discipline them by scattering them. Then what did I do? Didn't i rebuild their nation? Didn't I raise them to be the most powerful people on the earth?"
"In the end, trust Me. For i am the truth, the way and the light. Trust Me, for i am the good shepherd that will lay his life for his sheep. Trust me and go on without complaining. Or then do you want me to come with a graceful heart or a rod for discipline. "
I there listening, asleep for a moment but in the deepest heart i know that God has touched me and empowered me.
Therefore, here am I talking to you today.
Bye~
