Expectations,

It was a killer in my soul.
Who don't want to live up to other's expectation?
Who don't want to inspire others?
Who don't want?

I am sorry Mom and Dad, really sorry.
For I failed you,
made you suffer through my mistake.
I am not capable to reach your target,
unable to succeed as you were.
Not qualified to become your good son.

You always endure and counsel,
You always discipline and teach,
Yet the arrogant mine still not repent,
Yet the pride in mine has not lower down.

Wondering why you bore me out?
You definitely know that i will be such troublesome to you.
Why you still bore me out?
Despite knowing this ugly truth.

My eyes and soul are failing,
My sanity is dripping out,
Should I live as the world lives, Father?
Should I live as the other does, Mother?

I feel guilty and apologizing because of my cause.
Wishing time will come back,
To fix and to be polite.

Hating myself why am I so stupid,
Hating myself why am I so unaware,
Hating myself why am I so furious,
Hating myself why am I characterless,

Hating myself why so careless,
Hating myself never thought who am I.
Hating myself for being not capable,
Hating myself for being not concern on anything.
Hating myself why I hated Christ.

Wish to say :" I hate myself."

But I can't, because is my father who gave me this life.
I am not afford to fail father again!
For I made him heart broken enough,
And today, all these will stop.

Definitely is gonna stop.

Long time didn't come here and kill out my time, even do right now i am racing with time due facing UEC. As long as you know me, you will know that I don't really give a shit on it. All i will do is prepare before exam and before exam i will drink kopi and rest.

That's me, the real me. Where I no need to go and coat the others, I like japanese music, culture arts, western coffee, chinese tea, guitar, drums, maggie goreng, laksa and many other nice but werid stuff. By the way, I do like german songs as well. Their rhythm is just so cool. Looks like you are going to war while you sing.

Today, I thought of her.

After my exam and saying good bye to yew wei, I walked straight to home. When I decided to take the shortcut to my destination, I thought of her. I walked on the narrow, oblique road. This reminds me lots of stupid stuff I have done to her. Very glad still is her friend where she will still say hi ~ to me. Really, i am a blessed man. Even not suppose to have this.

I remember that when both of us cross up the oblique narrow road, I held her hand to give her a lift so that she won't fall down. That moment, still very remarkable. The way i send sms or call her until she get annoyed. Until she scolded me in order to stop this fuss. All of these, have sealed in my soul.

Maybe she won't notice it, of course.

Slept the whole day, now playing dota. The is life