Expectations,

It was a killer in my soul.
Who don't want to live up to other's expectation?
Who don't want to inspire others?
Who don't want?

I am sorry Mom and Dad, really sorry.
For I failed you,
made you suffer through my mistake.
I am not capable to reach your target,
unable to succeed as you were.
Not qualified to become your good son.

You always endure and counsel,
You always discipline and teach,
Yet the arrogant mine still not repent,
Yet the pride in mine has not lower down.

Wondering why you bore me out?
You definitely know that i will be such troublesome to you.
Why you still bore me out?
Despite knowing this ugly truth.

My eyes and soul are failing,
My sanity is dripping out,
Should I live as the world lives, Father?
Should I live as the other does, Mother?

I feel guilty and apologizing because of my cause.
Wishing time will come back,
To fix and to be polite.

Hating myself why am I so stupid,
Hating myself why am I so unaware,
Hating myself why am I so furious,
Hating myself why am I characterless,

Hating myself why so careless,
Hating myself never thought who am I.
Hating myself for being not capable,
Hating myself for being not concern on anything.
Hating myself why I hated Christ.

Wish to say :" I hate myself."

But I can't, because is my father who gave me this life.
I am not afford to fail father again!
For I made him heart broken enough,
And today, all these will stop.

Definitely is gonna stop.