3/7/2014

Its been a long time, very long time... one month i think for not writing my feelings down here. Unfortunately, need to use here again.

Life, is filled with failures. However, it is not how much failures u have gone through but it is how long did u stand against your failures. I didn't stand long against them, I lost myself towards them. Feeling sick, depressed and exhaustive fighting in this freaking S3 race. Not because of studies, yet because of feelings and friendships.

I admit, hoei teng. That i can't allow myself to stay in your friend zone anymore. Longing for your attention, wanting your love and smile express to me. I simply can't forget that and hunger for more of you. So gross... my heart says so, yet this is the most suitable vocabulary that i could ever found in my current confusion state.

Wei li is a freaking good guy, i think. He will suits you well, very very well. You once said you like to shop, he is able to afford you for sure; you once said that you hate walking around with buses, he is able to drive you home safe. There is no worries, go ahead, i will pray for you for your very own journey where i am not capable to help anymore, although i didn't really help much.

Feeling hatred upon my inability, why am i so stupid and useless and look so shity? I always big talk around the world, always that prideful, always that useless and a coward when come to you. I can encourage everyone to work yet why I can't encourage myself to show my feelings to you. Well i guess this is one of my weakness as well, God please help me get rid of it.

Still, what can i say now? nothing, everything is meaningless now. I have no guts to tell you face to face that i love you, Hoei Teng Lim. I guess I don't have the guts and i am not wise for being here typing these useless piece of shit essay just to calm my raging heart.

Raging seas, painful thoughts, never stopped. Half of the paths haven't walked. Still, my soul must go on. No reasons, simply life is a non-stop.

Today is a fucking day where i, give up. Give up the dream having her, give up to being a coward and give up the chance of escaping the competition.

Heads up marines, we need to off. Is the time of call of duty ---- s3 studies.... maths and physics.

(My future, if you ever look back at this, take a nice laugh, hug your wife and share it to her sweetly, don't run from your past anymore.)