19/4/2014

It is few weeks later that i recover from that tragedy. Now everything is fine except that i am tired for my studies and my friendships around school. In school, I have learned to put on a mask, i began to smile unnaturally but people think i am very happy, so I am not really that mind.

What i feel bad is like i am cheating them, everything i do is just surface. Still, they except it with nothing. Due to it, i leave it by a side.

Yesterday, is Good Friday. I and my bunch of friends hang out after church service, before that we served in the ministry of course, Singing, drama. Everything will be ended by tomorrow. I am looking forward to the celebration.

Few things I asked myself while i am on the journey to makan with them, I asked:

1) Since when i started to bond with Gabriel and Gideon and Darren so dearly?
2) I think i am really changed?

First, I mean i totally forgot how ever been so close with Gab and Gi and Darren. I just remember that last time we have numerous foughts. Right now, we are still friends. Friendships is amazing, so unpredictable. They are so different form yew wei and Chong Han, two best friend of mine in school. I heard all of their deep heart sore and discussed together, through that we have lots of laughter and funs. Then the funs we have is totally different. With schoolmates, we have skill discussion; while in church we talk about life and games. Quite cool.

Thank God and them for being in my life,  really thank you with all my heart and soul.

Blessed is me who is a sinner yet received God's mercy.
Blessed is the one who spread the Love that given by God's mercy.
May I do so,
To build the Lord's Kingdom.

Another thing is that, I quite changed. I begin to feel annoying when being with low class people, impolite, not rational, play with words, bad to say is sarcastic, good way to say is learn communication skills lo, I somesort saw the truth of the world and every human kind.

The fact of human kind is, alll of them afraid the bad and bully the good ones. No one ever treasure them and automatically say Hi to them. To them, good people or patient or angryless people is always that good and will be with them always. That's their thinking, I saw it.

That's why I begin to build a wall, I feel good but I don't know it is right to do so as a christian. The reason I felt good is because I am able to protect myself; bad is because we ought to be friendly when new believers came to our church.

What do you think of it? My soul and My mate

Life is a bitch and she is a thieve we knew that.

I hate my life, because sarcastic is needed to survive.
I lived, because of both of them.
Don't know why,
But i can't bear to lost them in my sight.

I have decided, to build a wall to protect and to give,
I have decided, to smile sarcastic in order to survive.
I have decided, I will tell a lie if I need to.
I have decided, to fight life in the way i like.

Today,

I saw ying hui, having lunch with her friends.
She didn't notice me.
I stared at her.
I saw her dim down for a while and smile.
Then she lift up her head like nothing happened before.

My soul trenched when I saw her,
so beautiful
so pretty
so charming

yet she looks like she is thinking something.
I wish I would know her better,
so that I can go and comfort her,
In the dearly ways I have

Frankly, if ying hui you saw this blog,
pls know that my feelings to you never change,
as a mate as a dear friend.

For your eyes woke me up,
Made my protective heart awake in the midst.