22/4/2014

A bloody hell day...

Today, I got scolded by a class mate for not throwing rubbish. I told her that the rubbish bin still got lot space to throw, and she god damn it angry with me. Maybe she is right, I am that irresponsible in critical time.

As usual, the class teacher will always show me her dumped face and staring at me like a dog. She is really doggy la. Somehow, my emotional cracked when things begin falling down on me again. Even do most of it is I sendiri cari pasal la, still I can't bear it and I showed my faces to many people.

The mixture emotion slowly lead me back into depression, I was once back to the haunted life that I wish to escape from.

During the Senior student weekly service, I questioned God:

" God, Why are You so unfair! Why only I have one coin but others have many? "

And a voice (maybe is heart voice...) replied:

"Tell me, are you going to give up? "

I continued my grumble and negative thoughts:

" I wish I can become people like yew wei, hoei Teng, Ying Hui, Zhong Han, Yi Xue.. and many other well talented people that in school we have. "
"You are so unfair, You gave them so many coins, I only have one, i WANT More！！！"

The voice still says:

" Are you going to give up? "

My endless grumble continued:

"Regarding How hard effort I have put in, things surely will not change"

The voice says to me(using correct tenses) :

"Are you going to give up?"

My soul suddenly burst with emotions and hold my fist and my lips and closed my eyes and shouted in my heart:

" Of course I don't want!"

The voice replied:

"Good , then go on your life...."

The conversation ended.
Then I begin realize how stupid am I.

I,

always wanted to be like others,
always cracking up jokes to make people happy,
always follow others people opinion and agree with them when they talk,
always wanted to get attention from others,
always wanted to be the center point of people,
always want to be smart like others,  
always want to please other people.

But all of these won't help you to progress in friendship or even in life. Is time for us to get back the way we are.

Life is simple, basically, is just yes or no...

If  people like you, any idea you brought, they will buy it without single thought.
If people dislike you, the reverse is your conclusion. (You will screw up in life)

Are you going to sad about it?

Come on,
why we sad about it?

It is meaningless if you are inside a group where you yourself just blindly following them, agree with them.
It is meaningless to always have a big gang with you.
YOU can have a big gang, but the big gang, will lead you become a coward when you are alone.

I always hate those who always walk as a gang. In two I don't mind, but for those who walk in the street only with a gang, They, are like a piece of shit in society. They can't do anything when they are alone, sad to say but only those who abuse by friends or doing things solo are able to lead and do.

Why?

Because they have nothing to lose, they fed up in groupings and decide to walk alone, to fight alone, like a lone wolf! While people group together licking each others injuries, they are the one who bandage up themselves and pursue again and again in life.

For they have no time to rest,
simply alone.
That's why they need to run,
non stop to become unstoppable.

Today I made my clear mind, that life, is easy but is heart aching.
Is either people like you or don't,
For those who like you, give them your love.
For those who dislike you, keep your love in secret and pray for them to accept your love.
Because we don't give pearl to pigs.

I am not shame to eat alone,
not that I like it, eventually I hate it.
But to be a hypocrite in order to share a table,
I rather take my own seat!