30 November 2015

I finally found myself a talent that I proud of, which is to speak boldly. Praise to be the Lord, for He has given me an opportunity to understand myself. Ever since now, I am trying to learn more about giving speeches and learn to speak as a man. Through out working with FBF people, I found that is so much for me to improve. There are indeed a borderline between me and them, yet I will not give up mixing with them. 

I will make myself capable and learn the way the converse with each other, their daily lifestyle and topics to enrich different aspect and elements in life. After all, life is short and who knows how many time we having the opportunity of knowing different aspects of life. 

I want to go travel alone, I want to speak and debate with others in terms of public speaking, I want to know more about organizing attitude and competencies required. Learning more, no idea to fond, I just solely want to explore. The bloodthirsty of curiosity are flowing. 

Maybe just my pride, being the winner in life since to be my objective. Yet, what I want is to fragrance in character and competency with respected level. What for a man without character although he achieve high heights. I will just start from something small, cleaning up my own room, cook for myself, learn more about cooking, be punctual, prohibiting grapevine conversations, sleep early and etc. Somehow but not least, it will be more controlling over own emotions and tend not to lust over girls.   

No one actually interested on your glory or understanding, instead they are more interested your point of view in life (yet expect you to understands theirs as well) and your feelings among them. If you yourself wish to be honored by people, would not other people feel the same. What matters is just the intensity of the urge in influencing others in a group. 

That's what I believe in the least. My voice, will use to spread harmony in world; my talents, will use to create peace among nations ; my intelligence, will be for the greater benefit of the world. Of all things, my spirit and love, will be for my wife. The ones I love the most.

A  day later

I regret a lot of things in life, the most I regret in this current life is that I did not approach her to tell her my feelings. Her name shall not be mention. I regret that the timid of mine. Nothing much, this just come across to me.

Right now, I am fearful. Whereby no one will love me, the one I love will not love me. Will I find a partner that I can share my heart with him? My parents or family cannot take this role, only the her can take it. With my timid character will I succeed in fighting for love?

that's a very good question. 

21 November 2015

This game, I will give my best. For nothing I will gain, if no pain were contributed. My sorrow, my fear, my weakness, I must overcome. I already no road of return, all I have was just to move forward and forward. For the sake of my life and love ones, i must move forward.

Yes samuel, you are indeed knowledgeable, outspoken with convincing techniques. Yet remember it is that God placed Gabriel to instruct and inspire you. Do not boost about your own strength but the great works of God. Who are you, if is not about him. Accomplish all things in a manner with great humbleness and start listening to others. Patience in tolerating, endure suffering, persevere hardships with the guidance of Lord. Ultimately, it is character that determine existence of someone. 

What for a person filled with strength and talented, yet loss his integrity and humbleness. Did not God said:

I will oppose the proud, but give grace to the humble

The more busy you are, more skill will be enhance. Just a little man, move forward. You can do it Samuel, speak, my God is with me. Our God is not dead son, regardless what you did, he is watching you and will encourage your adventure. Yet, take note that He is watching. Sin not or perish. Careful of you weaknesses. Do not fall into temptation, seek and inquire the wisdom of Lord before placing your pieces in this game. Constantly encourage yourself, even in hardships drag your body to obey the chosen character of Ruth. 

Complain not, frustrate not, all these change situation not. All you can do is to endure, speak not a single thing to yourself or to your neighbors. The moment you speak, the warfare consider ended as your enemy knows you are lack of confidence and strength. You can write, but not say, that's the way how things work. 

Sometimes you are just so stupid, why create a fuss over a small obstacle in life. All these are just small challenges, magnifying it according to your emotions are one of the most retarded thinking methods of life. While people around you are doing this, you follow not! Following majority will make you part of majority; yet pursing the character of God will make you the leader of majority. 

Learn, start working, mere talking will not bring you anywhere. Faith, talents and wisdom or knowledge without actions are dead, eventually your soul will rot if you continue to stay in such method. Think about your father and mother, they bought a house. You are their heir, future wise they will  depend on you. You must carry them, otherwise what for having wisdom yet absence of piety. You are worse than dogs if you are in this manner. 

Think about your grandparents, do u think they have time to wait until you graduate if you repeat. That are old in age, just want to see you sprout. You cannot afford to lose in this 3 years. NOT even a single time. Pray, pray and pray. 

Pray that you will not lose courage, pray that God will send people whom will notice you. Ultimately, pray for a character that are noble and long-lasting. Recognizing your own problem and solve it. Dig your soul with prayer, know what God has given you and create what God tend to give you. Didn't he said: 

The Lord gives, and He takes away.  

There are sometimes people tend to boast about their opportunities. Yes, let them boast. Did not David said: 

 Stop it, who can stop the man from cursing me if is God the one whom tells him: "Go, and curse David" 

Listen to them, take courage and learn from them. Think of the inspiration they gave to you. One thing about you, you often cannot afford to lose your face when people prosper. Cut short, you are jealous, envy about others. If you really wish to be like them, work harder than them. People as such are good. For they do not hide from you and try to give you inspiration to grow. You are an apple in their eye. What they do are trying to inspire you so that the Lord's name will be glorify. Yet, how you act was just trying to have their approval instead to inspire them. 

You must not behave in such way. A man will only approve someone who is humble, who is selfless in terms caring the main objective. Humbleness creates greater strength than wisdom, for humbleness the source of wisdom. Did not God said

Fearing the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and knowledge. 

Fear, leads to humble. Simple as that. 

Somehow in life, you will meet people with different arrogance. Those who are arrogant ignore them, those who are humble help and be friends with them, constantly seek advice and learn from their behavior. When the arrogant seek help, help them. Teach them to be humble. If they insist and change not, leave them! The next time, keep your hands up and mock at them! For those who are humble, help them even they mocked you, help them even they resist to be helped. 

Learn to tolerate are important, demonstrate instead of preaching it. Start from the heart, think in their shoes and their culture background will help. Instead of standing in your shoe and condemn their actions, teach and help them out. This is one of the humble acts that Jesus demonstrated on the cross. 

Learn and pray son. 

To samuel,

regards 

9 November 2015

Recently I have been involving few activities in my university. It makes me so busy until I fall a sick. When I looked back my past, I found it was regrettable. My soul are so dreadful right now.

I have a past, that's all unremarkable.
A past whereby nothing is solid everything is void.
I regret, sadden why God never take me off from this situation.
Yet, life still go on.
Live well, is the greatest revenge.

Can I still get very good friends?
Am I still eligible to have best friends?
Gabriel is one, gideon is one.
Who else anymore?
When I need help they will give their hand to me?

I hope people will one day...

23 - 10 -2015 (UTC - 0254)


Soon will be November, and then December and the year 2016 will start again.

I know by this time I should be sleeping but I just cant really sleep now, it is because of the damn Ice Breaking Telematch thingy. As I am holding the position as station master, I cant afford to sleep late way leaving my station nonconductor at the end. I am not going to do this.

In fact, I will raise my eyebrows until the end of this activity. It is to ensure everything are work under my hands are projected properly.

Few days ago, I begin attending the IBT manpower briefing and arranging the stations. It was really tiring but filled with joy. I met a lots of people and I feel that my instinct capability begin to run mad such as my leadership skills, confidence, emotional tackling improved a lot. The feeling are as amounted as an upgraded software, better.

Of course, seeing Nicole are unavoidable as she is also a part of our big family. She is indeed fabulous and supremely beautiful. My sights, standards are definitely high regarding facial features. Indeed there are also many wonderful, outstanding woman I make contact. Like leeng, she is just wonderful, pretty and loud in voice.

Just one thing Nicole are bad at, she just like cling on to other male to stir out attention. Not sure but maybe is that reason she always do beyond the line, and causes anger to rise. She is indeed aggressive and straight forward.

As wise adapt to situation like waters alter to the shape of sea shore. One must be smart to know what should be done and what shall not. It seems like she does not ever attain this matter. I hope she can figure out herself but not by our tongue.

Anyway, my heart moved in every conversation we have, as specially the moment where carrying her belongings. That particularly moved my urged to protect and protest. Being in a dilemma, whether should I  tell her about my feelings or just shutting up myself. Pretend nothing happen, as I am so good at it. I do not really know what to do right now.

Coming back to the IBT team, the people seems to like me. Thank God. Yet, I am sure that someone are being unpleasant about me and plot about me. I must be careful. Any good things you have build currently can be pulled down by a string of your enemy. I must carefully observe and try to be universal. Of course, being true are my principle in socializing. That's not going to change if anything diversifying happened. I am not going to be like people like yew wey, pretend and strike even the closest friend.

Who are my enemy?
Am I standing the way of righteous?
No, what I standing is just the path of being truth and kind.

I am tired of being kind,
still will be kind.
For my Lord are kind and holy.

I am sick of being nice,
still shall be nice.
For my Lord did not vindicate my soul because of my sin,
yet cover me with grace.

Shall not be lazy for tasks,
even from your greatest enemy or greatest allies.
As the Lord did not forsake you while you plea.
He answers and rescue you from death.

Act as Him,
the greatest protocol is to love.
Yet hate no.


From this IBT i understand one thing, serve men so that they will serve you. You must first contribute, serve extra effort. Only your men will listen to you. Merely talking men does not make any differences in tasking but disgracing himself.

Create resources for your men, so that they are motivated to work for you even you displease at doing so. So that you will gain respect.

I should get some sleep now jor.. nights~










 

12 October 2015

12 October 2015


Who does not want to respected by circles around them?
Who does not wish to be honored by people?

Hence fore they be kind towards people, constantly siding people, agreeing with them and hope to gain respect through it. Yet, they will never received the reward they hunger so much but rewarded with the opposite effect.

Are they wrong?

No one can assure that, but one thing we can know is that such ways will not lead you to what you wish. Soon, you will thought as a replaceable individual, lack of principle and someone whom are only needed for first aid but not a long time friend. They will abandon you when you are not needed.

Not everyone's fault, I did that too.

Now I tell you not to do that Samuel, treasure what you received given by people. Repay them with great efforts. Never forsake them, call them for once a while. Remind them in places, buy them food.
For those who try to manipulate you, try to constantly show off and want you to obey them, you had experienced they forsaking you for no reasons or guilt felt from them. Stay away from them, they try to be sarcastic with you. You will mock them straight, just treat them like nobody.

Never call them nor keep in touch with them for they really are not going to make you inspired.

They should just die!

20/9/2015

I thought of saying nothing much today, actually not. My soul has lots to say that is why I am here.

I do not know when i became so fearful that being ignore by others, I do not know actually I am that weak and fragile. People with talkative spirit are often timid and strength-less in their heart. This will be my process of being stronger. What is well commend if a kid do what he only know but did not struggle in life, how many praise available for someone who do not evil do good. It is because someone insisted on doing good by knowing evil, struggling with evil are appointed as great.

Jesus knows evil, but he give his best to become good. He succeeded and we are all safe.

The most difficult part in life is not about the challenges or the devastate circumstances you going through. The most difficult part is knowing something satisfy you are unreachable. Imagine you know hope is there, but the circumstances makes you unreachable towards that hope, a.k.a hopeless.

"I am done" , Such phrases will pop up, instinctively.

You blaming yourself?

It is a very good start, if you know to blame yourself instead complaining. Some people, do not even think themselves are in fault when facing such situation. The second thought you will think of is to turn over the tide, win back the game.

"I am going to do........, I will create......" such phrases will enlighten you to move forward. Give you hope.

Yet this spirit will not last, as frustration keep coming and coming, as emotions that ache your heart continue to flow in your vein. Most people are not design to take it. Hence,

They give up.
They begin to blame the divine or the spirits.
They begin to shred tears overflows the pillow.
They begin to lose their self-confidence.
They begin to abstain from the fear-factor.
They begin to live a new life, with a new scar craved to their soul.

Circles are endless, restraining your dreams and heights wished to achieve. Telling you to live in reality, do what is majority doing. This means, you getting old.

Religions gives you hope? For you to turn over the tide, gives you confidence in believing that God the almighty will empower you and allow you creates great work that honors him.

Come on, if the God you serve is a true and almighty God. Do you think your lips are enough to praise him or your great works are enough?

Please, you think a rich man will want a begger's shirt?  If that shirt are specially made by my begger friend, I, as the rich man will accept it with tears but if I do not know the fella, you really I will have the time to take care of him.

According to oxford dictionary, a religion is an organized collection of beliefs, cultural systems, and world views that relate humanity to an order of existence. (2015, wikipedia) 

Personally, I do not think religion gives you hope. I think it shape your mindset and character and allow you to success with a different manner. This can be also mean as your God are helping you by teaching you new things. Divine help from God. I respect every religion, please do not think I am a fascist to my own religion.

Yet, how can God help you if you do not acquire the characteristic or requirements for success? I have seen many religious people equipped with retard manners, making everyone pisses them off and become lonely and die in alone without soul mate along their life journey. What is written is only few of the minor successful case. Are you sure you will be the one?

If you are not sure then you should right now, packs your bags of your mind and begin to work hard to strive through life. So that at the end you will not regret and tears your soul out of your eyes, Pastors, ministers, teachers and otheres can talk what they want.They are trying to use you for their benefits, you must understand this before engage with such people. You must not let your guard down as the world really do not acquire people with kind heart. As all people has fallen short of the glory for God.

Why pastors help you? Did not they wish you to stay in his church by using the name of God?(Although he is antedated to do so)

Why ministers give money to the poor? Did not they wish you to vote them?

They are not in fault as all people for themselves. Think about it, did not ultimately pastor gain the most when you are success even sometimes they are the ones who cause you in trouble. Think about it, did not ultimately ministers are the one who makes you poor by taxes and false promises.

Do not trust with people you do not know, always leave a line with the people you meet. Regardless good friends or mere stranger. You can be merciful like Jesus by helping them when they need, but it is not necessary to do it all times. Just be with them, do not expose yourself too much will lead them has a thought you are a good guy.

Humans, are very complex. They want what they desire but are restrain towards their moral values. Pitiful are those who do not recognize themselves they are in such position but try to cover it with excuses.

Cut it off. Acknowledge you are a bastard. You will only protect what you think is worth belong to you and will betray them if needed for survival needs or protecting something more related to you.

It is alright to be like that, for everyone knows this story.

Hence start not to depend on your friends anymore, start your own research and be aggressive in obtaining information. Move your brain cells. Think plots and strategies to counter your enemies, slaughter them with no mercy. Mercy are given to those who are merciful and acknowledge themselves are evil but can do nothing. Is time for you to do so.

Do not regret only when you are hit by your enemy. Protect yourself, protect what are granted to you and forget about those life philosopher who think themselves are smarter and try to lecture you. Nor be sad when you are alone, as only alone will allow you to experience fear and slackness.

19/9/2015

I begin to think am I going to the wrong University. Not sure, but hope that's not real.

Everyday I walk by-past groups of groups of people, everyday I see them studying by groups and by groups they cheer and laugh and share the pain.

Painful.

I am not really that kind of person try to blame around the world, but sometimes, things just treat differently compare me to the others. Others are constantly supporting each other but way alone I studying in my hostel, facing windows and walls that I hate upon. Bloody hell.

Blaming does not solve anything I know, I GIVE UP, to the life where I will have a good university life that walk with a bunch of really good friends, I give up. I will never thought of it anymore. I will never thought of being a nice guy to everyone. If you treat me in such manner, I will double, triple to pay u back. You dishonor me, I will disgrace you as amounted you are worthless in this world.

I have grown up God, to an extend where I see all the traps are lying there; to an extend that I know everyone are not actually kind. They just want things from people, when they need you, they come with hypocritical manner. When they are full of their hands, they will just toss you as easy as you can imagine.

University did not teach me to have fun, rather to be cautious to everyone. Do not try to expose yourself to them. It is indeed you show your emotions to them, tell them what is your danger zone yet never- never tell them how you think that manner. No one is interested in that particular part, including me. Since everyone, just want the results.

Life, I learned.

Still got more to learn.

14-9-2015

Today midnight I got up to pray and inquire the Lord about my childish actions regarding the case between my 2 friends. Chua Han and Yew Wey.

I asked the Lord:

"Is it right for me to find new friends and forsake them? Am I correct in that argument? "

The Lord replies:

"Does a friendship that compromises in every conversation you have with them make you comfortable? If is really, then go ahead and reunite with them. If not, go on life."

Yet my heart still unease of the decision I am going to make. I think I am just being a coward of said by people a betrayer in friendship. Zhao Tat are not sure at all, whether to make this decision. Then the Lord continues:

"Look, I desire to make new things. Yet why are you still niggling on the old past glory? You make new friends here, you make your power here, you build connections here. Not past there anymore, forget about those past glory."

"Remember the pharisees, they thought that I will restore them in restoring their past glories. How shallow. They only thought of that. Yet what I intended was greater, a salvation, that saves the whole world. "

Then I know, there is no power in the past. There is no power if we do not look at future. There is no new things if we keep on clinging and comparing with our former self. I look back from the picture, my heart was eased.

I need to go on, I got my hands so full. My future, grades, family, pride are on my shoulder. I cannot afford to lose. I must overcome, for the Lord will be my strength and I will answer his call, to fulfill all He wants but not my goal anymore. I believe, if I follow his ways. My dad, my two moms, brothers and sisters, they will proud of me.

Right now (2255, UTC), I am studying in the bean cafe. Freaking many couples here, I am one of the single in two of us. Haha.

Fight son, go go go. Chase your dreams! God, wants you to have no regret in life. If u really listen to those pastor who tell you do not enjoy life, ignore him. They are mainly try to control you and serve his own purposes. Do it, and glorify the Lord always, all times!

Samuel, the future. Comment on this, think and laugh bah...

9-10-2015

Human work, mainly because of motivation. 

I watched a video about Doremon just now. It is not the normal doremon, is chapter whereby the battery of doremon ran off. 

Nobita is sad. 

Yet, there is no way to rescue him due to multiple reasons. 

At the end, he studied hard to make Doremon back to life. 

What i want to highlight is this samuel. A solely emotion, is enough to make someone create great things. It is not about the plans you wish to have, or the goals you want to attain BUT INSTEAD is the feelings, emotions that drives you, motivates you to work harder. 

Often people who create great things, is because they are weak and helpless. That's why they thought of someway to solve the problem, and when the problem solve. A great thing born. 

I know your main goal is to change the world, you never ease to thought of changing the world. Despite you constantly hide it through laughter, smile, jokes, playfulness and entertainment. Today, I am here to tell you. Don't do this anymore. 

For only God knows the sorrow, if you hide it. What makes you man of sorrow? 

22/7/2014

Today, I have rested in my very own way. That was too skip a day of school and rest in my own quietness.
Whole day was to sleep, was to do my own preference. Since i am sick, hence i slept the whole day. Forget about my tuition, forget about my own duties.

Then i went on to facebook, sawing lots of photo about friends with friends. A huge sourish emotions came upon to my heart. That I feel like being left out from the class. All of them together, where only me was left out. Everyone in the class was one, but only me was outside.

November

A lot of things happen in this month. First, I graduated; second, I act as a drummer in a prom night; Third, I went through a good and memorable S3 camp. Fourth, I was whacked by two Indian fellows and ended badly injured. Even though now is only 18th of November, yet many seems come through.

Lets talk slowly la.

Graduation,

Well, graduation is just a graduation. I actually don't really feel much. Indeed there is certainly some sadness that I am going to depart from my very own home school. After this graduation, I had no choice to face life. It is not simple to just abandon the environment that I adept in after 6 years. I might not popular in school, but it is a sin if I deny I don't love this school. Dozen of memories had I spent in this school.

I remember that how I chit-chat with Chua and Lim in school. I recalled that both of us talking about ideologies and theologies. I remember that how stupid and childish when I am young in this school. All of it is so embarrassing. Still, it is because of all these memories, there is me today.

Since, it is a graduation day. It is a culture of today to take pictures during a big day. I took several pic. Zhao Tat, when u come back to this site, take a look on it bah.I am sure it will really lift up your miserable lips.

(Recieving the cert) 

( taking best photo with the best chinese teacher) 

( A long yearn pic to take with your 1st love) 

(The best kindest woman in the whole school) 

Prom Night, 

This, is the worst prom I have ever been. Everything seems so messed up. Over performance, no leadership, no cooperative, nothing! Before the day I already tell the leader to make the technician come by at 3 o'clock. End up, the fellow come by 5.30! Our event starts at 7 sharp weh. The leader still want to bark at us, she literally useless man. 

I have no idea why is she the chairman of this prom. Brainless de. At that day, what I had was y.h messages that calmed me down. Well, I didn't take any food that day. I am tired. For I reach there 2.30 pm, until end of the event 12 am. Still, what do encourage me was Chua and Lim and y.h messages. Without all of them, I think I will surely scold all of the committees. A bunch of jokers! O f course la, yan wei and John helped me lot too, to stabilize my emotions. 

I learned two things in this prom. One, if you are famous, whatever shit u shit is not shit yet gold. Second, is better to be nobody where there is somebody..  I do take quite number of pics. Zhao Tat, look at it when you are old. Maybe it will bring sweetness in your heart leh...

(The bros)

(The team) 

(Being Gay with zhong han)

(The men)

S3 Camp

For 1st, I really thought this camp will be boring. Since everyone has their own gang. I thought I might ended up being alone. Hence, I didn't really hope for it. But when it is over, a sudden sadness come into my heart. I remember that camp where we almost die due to landslides. That was really awesome and trauma. Hahahahaha, dont know what to say but is really fun! 

   

2015 September

How long did not I visited this site. This is my little tiny place that can throws my sorrow. Dear Samuel, I know you are having a tough time hence you are here. I understand. Yet if u take a look behind your ways, you actually accomplish many things that beyond your strength at the past.

Regards.

From 2014 - 2015:

After UEC graduation, I worked as a tuition teacher at bayu for 2 months. It is indeed a short but memorable journey of mine. I get to inspire students with my works of way. Not sure whether they remind me of not, it is indeed a sweet journey that I have been through.

With money, many things can be achieve. Choices are your friends with the currency you currently have. But I believe, something unique in our hearts are not allowed to be bought by currency, our dignity of viewing things. I wrote to you now.Yet before I wrote to you, my soul been through trouble. I was here typing alone in UTAR library at third floor.

Before that, I read through facebook and find out that a friend of mine, Chua Han, you deeply admire and eager to forge your soul with him together, had actually long ago decided to isolate you and do not actually understand you at all. This now brings me back when we fought, why we fought and how we ended the fought. Although it does not really ended, the scenario and words are still roaming around my head as is avenging my rash actions.

It all started from June where we are having a conversation about uni-life, where comes yew wey starts attacking me saying that I have not found passion in life. Well, I am angry because I do not wish to be lecture by a guy who have nothing and depending on mama pocket too survive. His words are concise, vigorous, pissing me off as usual. To shut his mouth, I replied,

“Come on, is my life la."

Of course, he pissed off and told me that he does not wish to continue this conversation more. Then of course, I too, ended the call. After several days, I informed Chua Han this matter and told him that I will not skype with yew wey for some time to let this issue lower down. From then onward, he began isolating me. I did tried my best to contact them, but just failed or rejected by them without mercy.

The old man of me, what will you think if you read back this passage? I hope you will laugh with joy and say is just a small matter or you will come back and give a comment that 3 of you have forge back the relationship to a deeper level.  Haha

Anyway, this young me now think of this. If I have to always tolerant them, what for us being friends? Even thought friendship comes with hardship, yet true friendship is actually forge by disagree.

皇路当清逸，含和吐明廷。时穷皆乃先，一一崔丹青。

I have seen their true face, their true identity. Best is to stay away from them, forget them. For they change their opinions at ease, they will not reveal themselves to you but wish to gain your trust. I must forget about them. Must! I must be cruel enough to forget, when days comes, I will scoff at their ideas and mourn at their incapability, the wisdom that they believe on overall is nothing but blasphemy.

Good is you realize it now. Leave them, let them have their own fun. While you will have your own joy in your new environment. These call your best friends are actually try to know you more and manipulate you. Believe in the word of God, do not lose hope for new things.  For the strength will come when you wait upon the Lord.


Although, I am going for finals now. I should not have time to think for such things, it agitates me every moment I thought of them. I must purge evil from my circles. I must be the one I desire to. Hence I wrote to ease my heart.

I want to find new friends and wish to find a friendship where is long-lasting; I wish to find something that can last, that is unique within me and them. Will God help me? I sure He will.

Come back, finals are tough at this moment. Biotechnology is my course, it is tough man. Although things seems tough, I believe I will have the push to study, for the Lord will be my strength. (Studying in library, 9/9/2015, 1522 UTC)