26th August 2016
Hi samuel, here am I again. Haha
Well, good progress. You got a girlfriend, a replacement of Hoei Teng and Yeeng Lee also Ying Hui. I wondering what if she isnt my girl friend or potential girlfriend. Will I still fantasy over her. But nevermind, today;s topic wasn't this shit.
By the way, if you ever wonder who is your first girlfriend, look here and search for it. Her name is Ng Jia Qi, Y2S1 when first begin with you. Studied banking & finance. Well, the first 11 days and so on. You guys are just so lovely dovey. Constantly sticking together, you took her first kiss while watching Lee Choong Wei vs Lin Dan in Rio Olympics. Forcefully i guess... Hope you guys have a great future.
How you know her? Through BYIC, Bursa Young Investor Club.
Why would you came across this club? For power and making new friends. Initially, i just go interview for no reason la..haha
Did you regret to go on with her? Well, i am not sure man
Did you regret to join BYIC? Quite actually, for it did not give me the things i suppose to earn it.
Well, lets say, today onwards, you will be experiencing something that is extremely unfair yet you have to go on with it. Why not just shut up and contribute? Perhaps I am really tired. Tired of being underman of others always. Tired of being responsible over matters. Turns out, I am just a lazy man whom want some rest. Perhaps this isn't the maximum of mine. But if I have the maximum of mine, I will not give it to some people that wants my brain but doesnt give me back something in return.
Hard to feel but my heart discontended. Dont ever try to be lazy or rely on others, otherwise you will die. Die the way betrayed by others.
Thursday, 25 August 2016
Wednesday, 15 June 2016
16 June 2016
Dear samuel, finally, you had reached your destination in your popularity. However, it is not the end of yours. For you, still got a long way to learn.
I know you are sad for a girl you wanted to chase. Her name, yeeng lee. At the end, you are just a coward you see. You escaped from the reality via video games. You try to find replacement over hoei teng and you met her in IBT. She is the best girl in the world and will not allowed to be trampled over you.
Sometimes, you might need to learn how to suffer a lost and move on. It is time you move on. Remember, your sole goals right now is to secure a great job and put your family account a steady figure. All sacrifices costs. None of them come with a good price in either way. Choosing Jesus may make you suffer in physical way; choosing beer will lost your soul.
Everything has a price.
She looked damn cute. However, she does not belongs to you anymore. Seek first the heart of the Lord, others will be given to you accordingly. Young man, don't think too much man. Just let everything go under God's will. Don't try to ask so many question and wish to control everything that you know it is impossible to control.
If you lost her, why not just let it be?
Let it be, wait for the next chance to grab her heart with Christ?
Kind advice, next time you see a cute girl. Stay chill and slowly invade her heart with skills man.
Saturday, 30 April 2016
1 May 2016
Time crawls instead of flying nowadays. I bet is due to the reason I am suffering but not enjoying my current university life. Well, not fully actually. I still delight in having exams and acquiring new knowledge about the field that interest me. You can say that study life is much more relax compare to event life or doing nothing.
Anyway, today I went for a movie with my Housemate. His name is Shamir, from the name itself we know he his a malay la. Still, the only problem now is language barrier. It is a saddening truth that Malay is not my cup of tea. I hardly speak or write in Malay and when I speak or write with it, I can disappoint way to depress an entire village in Malaysia.
I understand his feelings, like a nomad. Belongs to nowhere. Daily routine are just connecting to people in the past or people within his own race. He too wish to explore new things that never fail to amazes him in life. He too, wish to search a new refuge in his reincarnation of a tertiary degree life. I know that feelings, whereby no people you once idealize was found. It is kinda disappointing. However, life does not suit you entirely. Maybe that's the reason why am I here, to amazes the new generation and learn from the old generation as the intermediate generation. Wow, I certainly is a great man indeed by now..hahaha
Life in University is tough, whereby many times you face choices which requires you to make alone. The responsibility of the choices you made are you to bear now, every word you speak people will take it carefully and wait for chances to backstab or give a nice opera show while you acting as the valiant, a.k.a the bad guy. It is tough to get loyal friends. Yet I am glad that I found a bunch of loyal friends in life. I know it maybe too fast to acknowledge them as loyal friends but they indeed help me out a lot without I even realize. Thank God for placing me with such good friends and good people. How much more a sinner could ask? If God has given him mercy and grace in life. So do I
The most I get from events was just a bunch of people whereby I don't even close to, and some self-discipline skills as well as people skills especially dealing with woman that irritates you the most with her style. Self-justifying they are suppose to get angry and you should have listen to them in decision making. Well, why not we just keep our moral value high ground and do not talk about these broods of viper , gossip woman.
Events conflict taught me how to calm down, although there still need more training about that. It generally gives me a picture, how to deal with people. Which is to lie. Be like them, show what they desire to see. They do not really interest by your real feelings. Instead, they just want people to prioritize them and give them full attention. That's what normally people said and so called a good leader.
In utar, people whom so called utar just babysitting one another. They bear the job of swallowing every negative emotions in the people and wait people to expect done great deal. Wow, leaders in utar is tough isn't it? Not only need to care about your feelings, need to also act according your desire and let things done according your way. Bull shit everywhere.
To be concise, do not project yourself, the true nature but act like a gentlemen. Just act. Life is a show.
Anyway, because of Bryan. I was wondering whether to quit events or join an internship program in Taiwan to brush up some skills. Make a whole fuss again in my family meet-up. Still, I compromise. For after a several thoughts and enlightment by THE RULES TO BREAK - BOOK. I think, why not just enjoy what I have now and try out what I didn't?
Getting a girlfriend, hiking up a hill, when to a trip when friends, dota tournament together and lots of things to try in order finding my way to what I want. Take my time, don't just over confidence and make big talks about what dreams you have and goals to purse. Why not just list out what I have not try and we try it in university life. I can be a research professor at my thirties. I can get my house at my 40s but it is just my pace isn't it?
Eat a chill pill and see how things work out slowly which under the perfect will of God and quantum mechanics.
Time crawls instead of flying nowadays. I bet is due to the reason I am suffering but not enjoying my current university life. Well, not fully actually. I still delight in having exams and acquiring new knowledge about the field that interest me. You can say that study life is much more relax compare to event life or doing nothing.
Anyway, today I went for a movie with my Housemate. His name is Shamir, from the name itself we know he his a malay la. Still, the only problem now is language barrier. It is a saddening truth that Malay is not my cup of tea. I hardly speak or write in Malay and when I speak or write with it, I can disappoint way to depress an entire village in Malaysia.
I understand his feelings, like a nomad. Belongs to nowhere. Daily routine are just connecting to people in the past or people within his own race. He too wish to explore new things that never fail to amazes him in life. He too, wish to search a new refuge in his reincarnation of a tertiary degree life. I know that feelings, whereby no people you once idealize was found. It is kinda disappointing. However, life does not suit you entirely. Maybe that's the reason why am I here, to amazes the new generation and learn from the old generation as the intermediate generation. Wow, I certainly is a great man indeed by now..hahaha
Life in University is tough, whereby many times you face choices which requires you to make alone. The responsibility of the choices you made are you to bear now, every word you speak people will take it carefully and wait for chances to backstab or give a nice opera show while you acting as the valiant, a.k.a the bad guy. It is tough to get loyal friends. Yet I am glad that I found a bunch of loyal friends in life. I know it maybe too fast to acknowledge them as loyal friends but they indeed help me out a lot without I even realize. Thank God for placing me with such good friends and good people. How much more a sinner could ask? If God has given him mercy and grace in life. So do I
Thinking about future
My ex-housemate (Sony- Bryan) left to Singapore for internship. Too bad I couldn't see him and farewell to him face to face. Yet the books he left for me, I guess it is gonna be mine if he is still not coming back huh... Anyway, this matter gave me a lot of thought regarding my future. You see, what bryan focuses on was his URS and FYP. It turns out that university life can be achievable without busying yourself with a tons of other people's business ( Well, I never belong faculty that I served). Helping events may show that you are a team player, but turns out it does not really equip you with lab skills or latest information about biology field.
The most I get from events was just a bunch of people whereby I don't even close to, and some self-discipline skills as well as people skills especially dealing with woman that irritates you the most with her style. Self-justifying they are suppose to get angry and you should have listen to them in decision making. Well, why not we just keep our moral value high ground and do not talk about these broods of viper , gossip woman.
Events conflict taught me how to calm down, although there still need more training about that. It generally gives me a picture, how to deal with people. Which is to lie. Be like them, show what they desire to see. They do not really interest by your real feelings. Instead, they just want people to prioritize them and give them full attention. That's what normally people said and so called a good leader.
In utar, people whom so called utar just babysitting one another. They bear the job of swallowing every negative emotions in the people and wait people to expect done great deal. Wow, leaders in utar is tough isn't it? Not only need to care about your feelings, need to also act according your desire and let things done according your way. Bull shit everywhere.
To be concise, do not project yourself, the true nature but act like a gentlemen. Just act. Life is a show.
Anyway, because of Bryan. I was wondering whether to quit events or join an internship program in Taiwan to brush up some skills. Make a whole fuss again in my family meet-up. Still, I compromise. For after a several thoughts and enlightment by THE RULES TO BREAK - BOOK. I think, why not just enjoy what I have now and try out what I didn't?
Getting a girlfriend, hiking up a hill, when to a trip when friends, dota tournament together and lots of things to try in order finding my way to what I want. Take my time, don't just over confidence and make big talks about what dreams you have and goals to purse. Why not just list out what I have not try and we try it in university life. I can be a research professor at my thirties. I can get my house at my 40s but it is just my pace isn't it?
Eat a chill pill and see how things work out slowly which under the perfect will of God and quantum mechanics.
Sunday, 24 April 2016
24th April 2016
Exams is just around the corner, yet here am I watching anime and slacking around as if ignoring the competition UTAR currently undergoing. I am now in Klang and having a study break. Life at house is surely more comfy than life in Kampar. However, a conversation with Gabriel stirred my heart and shaken my ambition during these days.
Gabriel put me into lots of thoughts, thoughts of being success in life; thoughts of having control in my life. For I am afraid to lose out in this rat race, for I really afraid that I cant be great one day. I hope that my presence are that impactful that people will protect when war comes in. I literally hoped to be protected and selfishly think that this is a righteous act. In short, I just think of my own skin.
I was wrong and I am wrong. Samuel tan Zhao tat, if you read about this in future please turn back to your people. Being treasured are not important, the importance is the attitude looking upon others.
Do you believe this whole world are entitled to save you? Are you that self-centred man I know?
You must not save your own skin, rather SAVE THE SKIN OF OTHERS!!!
You know why water are so great? It is because they are the one whom nurture the others, they take not glory about their strength but just do what is right! You too need to do what is right, sacrifice for the right thing makes you perfect. Do not take whole everything in your hands, rather be prepare to sacrifice when you were asked to or the situation force to it. For Jesus sacrifice his skin to save mankind. No man earns a respect if they do not sacrifice their lives for others or the greater good of all man kind.
If you are to die, die for a proper reason. Die in heroic manner. Die itself is not horrible, it is part of life. Perhaps you want to enjoy the luxury of a present life too much. You are serving pleasure as your master. It is not right, come back. Be sacrificial and pay attention to the needs of others rather to just bumped inside to do what you think is good. Think before you act, think to benefit others so yourself will get caught up as an enemy. Benefiting others to benefit yourself, that's the story moral.
Gabriel is a selfish guy. However, he selfish for the person he cares which is pagan like. He is a kind man and filled with art of speaking. Yet, negativism and realist do not improve the situation rather to be truthful and tolerating will do. Think to benefit others, so that you may too survive among the midst of them. Everyone so caught up the easy way that they forgot the toughest way earn the most.
You go inside the toughest way, you think your best to benefit others. Whether is the image of others or the appearance of others. How to improve and enhance their level, so that people know you are a generous person to bless others and they will be with you. This is how you do it. Not to stick with English-speaking people or dwell among rich folks will makes you different.
People are classify according to their mind set and acts, not by their mere-outlook.
Exams is just around the corner, yet here am I watching anime and slacking around as if ignoring the competition UTAR currently undergoing. I am now in Klang and having a study break. Life at house is surely more comfy than life in Kampar. However, a conversation with Gabriel stirred my heart and shaken my ambition during these days.
Grass on the other side looks greener
We discussed a lot about life, principles and etc. Yet, I felt like being be little rather than inspired. Somehow, people keep saying English speaking guys is that awesome and wonderful. Every part of their culture are unique while other Chinese speaking guys are worse in having a fun culture. At this moment, I felt we are not only be little but stereotyped by these people, judge silently and mocked by them with their eyes. Sometimes, I just wished to find a word to shoot them back but sadly I couldn't. All I can do, is to smile and silently listen but debate not about the stand of ours.Gabriel put me into lots of thoughts, thoughts of being success in life; thoughts of having control in my life. For I am afraid to lose out in this rat race, for I really afraid that I cant be great one day. I hope that my presence are that impactful that people will protect when war comes in. I literally hoped to be protected and selfishly think that this is a righteous act. In short, I just think of my own skin.
I was wrong and I am wrong. Samuel tan Zhao tat, if you read about this in future please turn back to your people. Being treasured are not important, the importance is the attitude looking upon others.
Do you believe this whole world are entitled to save you? Are you that self-centred man I know?
You must not save your own skin, rather SAVE THE SKIN OF OTHERS!!!
You know why water are so great? It is because they are the one whom nurture the others, they take not glory about their strength but just do what is right! You too need to do what is right, sacrifice for the right thing makes you perfect. Do not take whole everything in your hands, rather be prepare to sacrifice when you were asked to or the situation force to it. For Jesus sacrifice his skin to save mankind. No man earns a respect if they do not sacrifice their lives for others or the greater good of all man kind.
If you are to die, die for a proper reason. Die in heroic manner. Die itself is not horrible, it is part of life. Perhaps you want to enjoy the luxury of a present life too much. You are serving pleasure as your master. It is not right, come back. Be sacrificial and pay attention to the needs of others rather to just bumped inside to do what you think is good. Think before you act, think to benefit others so yourself will get caught up as an enemy. Benefiting others to benefit yourself, that's the story moral.
Gabriel is a selfish guy. However, he selfish for the person he cares which is pagan like. He is a kind man and filled with art of speaking. Yet, negativism and realist do not improve the situation rather to be truthful and tolerating will do. Think to benefit others, so that you may too survive among the midst of them. Everyone so caught up the easy way that they forgot the toughest way earn the most.
You go inside the toughest way, you think your best to benefit others. Whether is the image of others or the appearance of others. How to improve and enhance their level, so that people know you are a generous person to bless others and they will be with you. This is how you do it. Not to stick with English-speaking people or dwell among rich folks will makes you different.
People are classify according to their mind set and acts, not by their mere-outlook.
Tuesday, 12 April 2016
13 April 2016
Hi there, good to see you again Samuel. You know, I only visited this site when I am really emotional. Well, serves me well. I am very emotional right now. Right to the up from the bottom. Doing events too much perhaps.
I thought event life is great, marvellous and meaningful for those whom wish to shine in life. I am one of those whom likes to shine. For that I beguile all the way up to the top, trying to be a people pleaser; try to satisfied needs of everyone. It turns out happens not in that way. You know the worst thing is where you cant decide your things and seek the opinion of both extreme sides.
Events torture and teared me apart form my regular life. Previously indulge in dota now indulge in events; previously making friends now a threat everywhere. Making people hurtful is just a piece of cake now, constantly blaming myself trying to tell myself everything will be ok. It did not happen.
Let me recapped you a few major event these few days. From March to April. Just wanna say, I screwed up. Totally screwed up, that type.
The girl disgusted me the most in uni life.
Well, subject named shermaine. Few weeks ago, she feels that I do not listen to her on advices and my tone she does not like it. Hence, she went outraged and boycott me perhaps in the whole committee of "Hunted or Survived". Not sure whether is she a not, but what I know is this.
She is a bitch. She is totally a bitch. Telling me I did not listen to her, stripping of her creativity, throws heavy tasks on her and etc that tells me I am a son of a bitch. Well, first of all. As a manager, I get to decide and bear the responsibilities of the department. If I cant decide a single thing in my department, what for becoming a manager. Situations are dynamics and I do not have time to update one by one. Man, she just wanna slack off and wait me to work all the tasks.
Never mind thou, I take it. I silently take the blow. Making a hollow self to everyone, act like a good kid. Apologise and act harmless in ways to earn back their favour so that others can work for me again. The others will never know what I had been go through, no one will. After all, the symbol of growing up is to silent up your pain.
Still, thank God I learned a lot from this rising tide. I learned tremendously. Now I knew the power of notes, the capability of one man can do compare to team can do, people pleaser is tough to do even do the price is huge. My heart and soul, barely recovered by this moment. While typing, my soul outraged and is furious. Her so called protective manner, scorched my passion and determination. Makes me wish to pleases everyone to make peace with the whole world.
Truth is, I do not know who am I right now. My heart is deeply burden by the case and I lost my determination. Every actions I made are so coward, every action I made is to protect myself. Wondering why. Yet I know, I cant do this anymore. The idea of quitting "Hunted or Survived" is getting stronger, but I keep telling myself:
"Son, just go on a little bit more, just a little bit more."
Yet everytime I spoke, I felt painful as well as a slight of comfort. Thousands times I cried to the Lord, setting me free from this bondage. Letting me back to my comfort zone, even a week will do. Still, no answers. Perhaps this is a learning curve, I must learn how to deal with people in this times. Luckily, He sent help.
He gave me a bunch of real good friends. 13/4, approximately 10 am. Shi ying asked me to brought 101.10 MYR for her to pay off my MUET bills. I totally forgot about that and also did bring my wallet out. Then they proposed to pay for me first as they felt I am poor right now. Although it was not necessary, it was a dare offer as they only know me a year or lesser. They gave me help. At that moment, my heart sank and tears rushing from my eyes; At that moment, I knew that no matter how. There will still be friends standing up for me. I am not alone, not alone always. I got supports and back-up ---- an exfil team. Somemore I got a good Heavenly Father, a mortal father and two mother. I am not alone. At least now I know, where is home. What it feels to be in home.
This maybe is just a small case. I am sure it will be great.
Conclusion son, stay determined. Just tell out what you want to do. It is not they are the ones who deciding your life! It is you the one whom deciding your life. What decision you made, it will not pleases many. Yet, only the right thing lasts. Which is the thing you need to do it.
Monday, 30 November 2015
30 November 2015
That's what I believe in the least. My voice, will use to spread harmony in world; my talents, will use to create peace among nations ; my intelligence, will be for the greater benefit of the world. Of all things, my spirit and love, will be for my wife. The ones I love the most.
Right now, I am fearful. Whereby no one will love me, the one I love will not love me. Will I find a partner that I can share my heart with him? My parents or family cannot take this role, only the her can take it. With my timid character will I succeed in fighting for love?
that's a very good question.
I finally found myself a talent that I proud of, which is to speak boldly. Praise to be the Lord, for He has given me an opportunity to understand myself. Ever since now, I am trying to learn more about giving speeches and learn to speak as a man. Through out working with FBF people, I found that is so much for me to improve. There are indeed a borderline between me and them, yet I will not give up mixing with them.
I will make myself capable and learn the way the converse with each other, their daily lifestyle and topics to enrich different aspect and elements in life. After all, life is short and who knows how many time we having the opportunity of knowing different aspects of life.
I want to go travel alone, I want to speak and debate with others in terms of public speaking, I want to know more about organizing attitude and competencies required. Learning more, no idea to fond, I just solely want to explore. The bloodthirsty of curiosity are flowing.
Maybe just my pride, being the winner in life since to be my objective. Yet, what I want is to fragrance in character and competency with respected level. What for a man without character although he achieve high heights. I will just start from something small, cleaning up my own room, cook for myself, learn more about cooking, be punctual, prohibiting grapevine conversations, sleep early and etc. Somehow but not least, it will be more controlling over own emotions and tend not to lust over girls.
No one actually interested on your glory or understanding, instead they are more interested your point of view in life (yet expect you to understands theirs as well) and your feelings among them. If you yourself wish to be honored by people, would not other people feel the same. What matters is just the intensity of the urge in influencing others in a group.
That's what I believe in the least. My voice, will use to spread harmony in world; my talents, will use to create peace among nations ; my intelligence, will be for the greater benefit of the world. Of all things, my spirit and love, will be for my wife. The ones I love the most.
A day later
I regret a lot of things in life, the most I regret in this current life is that I did not approach her to tell her my feelings. Her name shall not be mention. I regret that the timid of mine. Nothing much, this just come across to me.Right now, I am fearful. Whereby no one will love me, the one I love will not love me. Will I find a partner that I can share my heart with him? My parents or family cannot take this role, only the her can take it. With my timid character will I succeed in fighting for love?
that's a very good question.
Friday, 20 November 2015
21 November 2015
What for a person filled with strength and talented, yet loss his integrity and humbleness. Did not God said:
This game, I will give my best. For nothing I will gain, if no pain were contributed. My sorrow, my fear, my weakness, I must overcome. I already no road of return, all I have was just to move forward and forward. For the sake of my life and love ones, i must move forward.
Yes samuel, you are indeed knowledgeable, outspoken with convincing techniques. Yet remember it is that God placed Gabriel to instruct and inspire you. Do not boost about your own strength but the great works of God. Who are you, if is not about him. Accomplish all things in a manner with great humbleness and start listening to others. Patience in tolerating, endure suffering, persevere hardships with the guidance of Lord. Ultimately, it is character that determine existence of someone.
I will oppose the proud, but give grace to the humble
The more busy you are, more skill will be enhance. Just a little man, move forward. You can do it Samuel, speak, my God is with me. Our God is not dead son, regardless what you did, he is watching you and will encourage your adventure. Yet, take note that He is watching. Sin not or perish. Careful of you weaknesses. Do not fall into temptation, seek and inquire the wisdom of Lord before placing your pieces in this game. Constantly encourage yourself, even in hardships drag your body to obey the chosen character of Ruth.
Complain not, frustrate not, all these change situation not. All you can do is to endure, speak not a single thing to yourself or to your neighbors. The moment you speak, the warfare consider ended as your enemy knows you are lack of confidence and strength. You can write, but not say, that's the way how things work.
Sometimes you are just so stupid, why create a fuss over a small obstacle in life. All these are just small challenges, magnifying it according to your emotions are one of the most retarded thinking methods of life. While people around you are doing this, you follow not! Following majority will make you part of majority; yet pursing the character of God will make you the leader of majority.
Learn, start working, mere talking will not bring you anywhere. Faith, talents and wisdom or knowledge without actions are dead, eventually your soul will rot if you continue to stay in such method. Think about your father and mother, they bought a house. You are their heir, future wise they will depend on you. You must carry them, otherwise what for having wisdom yet absence of piety. You are worse than dogs if you are in this manner.
Think about your grandparents, do u think they have time to wait until you graduate if you repeat. That are old in age, just want to see you sprout. You cannot afford to lose in this 3 years. NOT even a single time. Pray, pray and pray.
Pray that you will not lose courage, pray that God will send people whom will notice you. Ultimately, pray for a character that are noble and long-lasting. Recognizing your own problem and solve it. Dig your soul with prayer, know what God has given you and create what God tend to give you. Didn't he said:
The Lord gives, and He takes away.
There are sometimes people tend to boast about their opportunities. Yes, let them boast. Did not David said:
Stop it, who can stop the man from cursing me if is God the one whom tells him: "Go, and curse David"
Listen to them, take courage and learn from them. Think of the inspiration they gave to you. One thing about you, you often cannot afford to lose your face when people prosper. Cut short, you are jealous, envy about others. If you really wish to be like them, work harder than them. People as such are good. For they do not hide from you and try to give you inspiration to grow. You are an apple in their eye. What they do are trying to inspire you so that the Lord's name will be glorify. Yet, how you act was just trying to have their approval instead to inspire them.
You must not behave in such way. A man will only approve someone who is humble, who is selfless in terms caring the main objective. Humbleness creates greater strength than wisdom, for humbleness the source of wisdom. Did not God said
Fearing the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and knowledge.
Fear, leads to humble. Simple as that.
Somehow in life, you will meet people with different arrogance. Those who are arrogant ignore them, those who are humble help and be friends with them, constantly seek advice and learn from their behavior. When the arrogant seek help, help them. Teach them to be humble. If they insist and change not, leave them! The next time, keep your hands up and mock at them! For those who are humble, help them even they mocked you, help them even they resist to be helped.
Learn to tolerate are important, demonstrate instead of preaching it. Start from the heart, think in their shoes and their culture background will help. Instead of standing in your shoe and condemn their actions, teach and help them out. This is one of the humble acts that Jesus demonstrated on the cross.
Learn and pray son.
To samuel,
regards
Monday, 9 November 2015
9 November 2015
Recently I have been involving few activities in my university. It makes me so busy until I fall a sick. When I looked back my past, I found it was regrettable. My soul are so dreadful right now.
I have a past, that's all unremarkable.
A past whereby nothing is solid everything is void.
I regret, sadden why God never take me off from this situation.
Yet, life still go on.
Live well, is the greatest revenge.
Can I still get very good friends?
Am I still eligible to have best friends?
Gabriel is one, gideon is one.
Who else anymore?
When I need help they will give their hand to me?
I hope people will one day...
Recently I have been involving few activities in my university. It makes me so busy until I fall a sick. When I looked back my past, I found it was regrettable. My soul are so dreadful right now.
I have a past, that's all unremarkable.
A past whereby nothing is solid everything is void.
I regret, sadden why God never take me off from this situation.
Yet, life still go on.
Live well, is the greatest revenge.
Can I still get very good friends?
Am I still eligible to have best friends?
Gabriel is one, gideon is one.
Who else anymore?
When I need help they will give their hand to me?
I hope people will one day...
Thursday, 22 October 2015
23 - 10 -2015 (UTC - 0254)
Soon will be November, and then December and the year 2016 will start again.
I know by this time I should be sleeping but I just cant really sleep now, it is because of the damn Ice Breaking Telematch thingy. As I am holding the position as station master, I cant afford to sleep late way leaving my station nonconductor at the end. I am not going to do this.
In fact, I will raise my eyebrows until the end of this activity. It is to ensure everything are work under my hands are projected properly.
Few days ago, I begin attending the IBT manpower briefing and arranging the stations. It was really tiring but filled with joy. I met a lots of people and I feel that my instinct capability begin to run mad such as my leadership skills, confidence, emotional tackling improved a lot. The feeling are as amounted as an upgraded software, better.
Of course, seeing Nicole are unavoidable as she is also a part of our big family. She is indeed fabulous and supremely beautiful. My sights, standards are definitely high regarding facial features. Indeed there are also many wonderful, outstanding woman I make contact. Like leeng, she is just wonderful, pretty and loud in voice.
Just one thing Nicole are bad at, she just like cling on to other male to stir out attention. Not sure but maybe is that reason she always do beyond the line, and causes anger to rise. She is indeed aggressive and straight forward.
As wise adapt to situation like waters alter to the shape of sea shore. One must be smart to know what should be done and what shall not. It seems like she does not ever attain this matter. I hope she can figure out herself but not by our tongue.
Anyway, my heart moved in every conversation we have, as specially the moment where carrying her belongings. That particularly moved my urged to protect and protest. Being in a dilemma, whether should I tell her about my feelings or just shutting up myself. Pretend nothing happen, as I am so good at it. I do not really know what to do right now.
Coming back to the IBT team, the people seems to like me. Thank God. Yet, I am sure that someone are being unpleasant about me and plot about me. I must be careful. Any good things you have build currently can be pulled down by a string of your enemy. I must carefully observe and try to be universal. Of course, being true are my principle in socializing. That's not going to change if anything diversifying happened. I am not going to be like people like yew wey, pretend and strike even the closest friend.
Who are my enemy?
Am I standing the way of righteous?
No, what I standing is just the path of being truth and kind.
I am tired of being kind,
still will be kind.
For my Lord are kind and holy.
I am sick of being nice,
still shall be nice.
For my Lord did not vindicate my soul because of my sin,
yet cover me with grace.
Shall not be lazy for tasks,
even from your greatest enemy or greatest allies.
As the Lord did not forsake you while you plea.
He answers and rescue you from death.
Act as Him,
the greatest protocol is to love.
Yet hate no.
From this IBT i understand one thing, serve men so that they will serve you. You must first contribute, serve extra effort. Only your men will listen to you. Merely talking men does not make any differences in tasking but disgracing himself.
Create resources for your men, so that they are motivated to work for you even you displease at doing so. So that you will gain respect.
I should get some sleep now jor.. nights~
Soon will be November, and then December and the year 2016 will start again.
I know by this time I should be sleeping but I just cant really sleep now, it is because of the damn Ice Breaking Telematch thingy. As I am holding the position as station master, I cant afford to sleep late way leaving my station nonconductor at the end. I am not going to do this.
In fact, I will raise my eyebrows until the end of this activity. It is to ensure everything are work under my hands are projected properly.
Few days ago, I begin attending the IBT manpower briefing and arranging the stations. It was really tiring but filled with joy. I met a lots of people and I feel that my instinct capability begin to run mad such as my leadership skills, confidence, emotional tackling improved a lot. The feeling are as amounted as an upgraded software, better.
Of course, seeing Nicole are unavoidable as she is also a part of our big family. She is indeed fabulous and supremely beautiful. My sights, standards are definitely high regarding facial features. Indeed there are also many wonderful, outstanding woman I make contact. Like leeng, she is just wonderful, pretty and loud in voice.
Just one thing Nicole are bad at, she just like cling on to other male to stir out attention. Not sure but maybe is that reason she always do beyond the line, and causes anger to rise. She is indeed aggressive and straight forward.
As wise adapt to situation like waters alter to the shape of sea shore. One must be smart to know what should be done and what shall not. It seems like she does not ever attain this matter. I hope she can figure out herself but not by our tongue.
Anyway, my heart moved in every conversation we have, as specially the moment where carrying her belongings. That particularly moved my urged to protect and protest. Being in a dilemma, whether should I tell her about my feelings or just shutting up myself. Pretend nothing happen, as I am so good at it. I do not really know what to do right now.
Coming back to the IBT team, the people seems to like me. Thank God. Yet, I am sure that someone are being unpleasant about me and plot about me. I must be careful. Any good things you have build currently can be pulled down by a string of your enemy. I must carefully observe and try to be universal. Of course, being true are my principle in socializing. That's not going to change if anything diversifying happened. I am not going to be like people like yew wey, pretend and strike even the closest friend.
Who are my enemy?
Am I standing the way of righteous?
No, what I standing is just the path of being truth and kind.
I am tired of being kind,
still will be kind.
For my Lord are kind and holy.
I am sick of being nice,
still shall be nice.
For my Lord did not vindicate my soul because of my sin,
yet cover me with grace.
Shall not be lazy for tasks,
even from your greatest enemy or greatest allies.
As the Lord did not forsake you while you plea.
He answers and rescue you from death.
Act as Him,
the greatest protocol is to love.
Yet hate no.
From this IBT i understand one thing, serve men so that they will serve you. You must first contribute, serve extra effort. Only your men will listen to you. Merely talking men does not make any differences in tasking but disgracing himself.
Create resources for your men, so that they are motivated to work for you even you displease at doing so. So that you will gain respect.
I should get some sleep now jor.. nights~
Sunday, 11 October 2015
12 October 2015
12 October 2015
Who does not want to respected by circles around them?
Who does not wish to be honored by people?
Hence fore they be kind towards people, constantly siding people, agreeing with them and hope to gain respect through it. Yet, they will never received the reward they hunger so much but rewarded with the opposite effect.
Are they wrong?
No one can assure that, but one thing we can know is that such ways will not lead you to what you wish. Soon, you will thought as a replaceable individual, lack of principle and someone whom are only needed for first aid but not a long time friend. They will abandon you when you are not needed.
Not everyone's fault, I did that too.
Now I tell you not to do that Samuel, treasure what you received given by people. Repay them with great efforts. Never forsake them, call them for once a while. Remind them in places, buy them food.
For those who try to manipulate you, try to constantly show off and want you to obey them, you had experienced they forsaking you for no reasons or guilt felt from them. Stay away from them, they try to be sarcastic with you. You will mock them straight, just treat them like nobody.
Never call them nor keep in touch with them for they really are not going to make you inspired.
They should just die!
Who does not want to respected by circles around them?
Who does not wish to be honored by people?
Hence fore they be kind towards people, constantly siding people, agreeing with them and hope to gain respect through it. Yet, they will never received the reward they hunger so much but rewarded with the opposite effect.
Are they wrong?
No one can assure that, but one thing we can know is that such ways will not lead you to what you wish. Soon, you will thought as a replaceable individual, lack of principle and someone whom are only needed for first aid but not a long time friend. They will abandon you when you are not needed.
Not everyone's fault, I did that too.
Now I tell you not to do that Samuel, treasure what you received given by people. Repay them with great efforts. Never forsake them, call them for once a while. Remind them in places, buy them food.
For those who try to manipulate you, try to constantly show off and want you to obey them, you had experienced they forsaking you for no reasons or guilt felt from them. Stay away from them, they try to be sarcastic with you. You will mock them straight, just treat them like nobody.
Never call them nor keep in touch with them for they really are not going to make you inspired.
They should just die!
Monday, 28 September 2015
20/9/2015
I thought of saying nothing much today, actually not. My soul has lots to say that is why I am here.
I do not know when i became so fearful that being ignore by others, I do not know actually I am that weak and fragile. People with talkative spirit are often timid and strength-less in their heart. This will be my process of being stronger. What is well commend if a kid do what he only know but did not struggle in life, how many praise available for someone who do not evil do good. It is because someone insisted on doing good by knowing evil, struggling with evil are appointed as great.
Jesus knows evil, but he give his best to become good. He succeeded and we are all safe.
The most difficult part in life is not about the challenges or the devastate circumstances you going through. The most difficult part is knowing something satisfy you are unreachable. Imagine you know hope is there, but the circumstances makes you unreachable towards that hope, a.k.a hopeless.
"I am done" , Such phrases will pop up, instinctively.
You blaming yourself?
It is a very good start, if you know to blame yourself instead complaining. Some people, do not even think themselves are in fault when facing such situation. The second thought you will think of is to turn over the tide, win back the game.
"I am going to do........, I will create......" such phrases will enlighten you to move forward. Give you hope.
Yet this spirit will not last, as frustration keep coming and coming, as emotions that ache your heart continue to flow in your vein. Most people are not design to take it. Hence,
They give up.
They begin to blame the divine or the spirits.
They begin to shred tears overflows the pillow.
They begin to lose their self-confidence.
They begin to abstain from the fear-factor.
They begin to live a new life, with a new scar craved to their soul.
Circles are endless, restraining your dreams and heights wished to achieve. Telling you to live in reality, do what is majority doing. This means, you getting old.
Religions gives you hope? For you to turn over the tide, gives you confidence in believing that God the almighty will empower you and allow you creates great work that honors him.
Come on, if the God you serve is a true and almighty God. Do you think your lips are enough to praise him or your great works are enough?
Please, you think a rich man will want a begger's shirt? If that shirt are specially made by my begger friend, I, as the rich man will accept it with tears but if I do not know the fella, you really I will have the time to take care of him.
According to oxford dictionary, a religion is an organized collection of beliefs, cultural systems, and world views that relate humanity to an order of existence. (2015, wikipedia)
Personally, I do not think religion gives you hope. I think it shape your mindset and character and allow you to success with a different manner. This can be also mean as your God are helping you by teaching you new things. Divine help from God. I respect every religion, please do not think I am a fascist to my own religion.
Yet, how can God help you if you do not acquire the characteristic or requirements for success? I have seen many religious people equipped with retard manners, making everyone pisses them off and become lonely and die in alone without soul mate along their life journey. What is written is only few of the minor successful case. Are you sure you will be the one?
If you are not sure then you should right now, packs your bags of your mind and begin to work hard to strive through life. So that at the end you will not regret and tears your soul out of your eyes, Pastors, ministers, teachers and otheres can talk what they want.They are trying to use you for their benefits, you must understand this before engage with such people. You must not let your guard down as the world really do not acquire people with kind heart. As all people has fallen short of the glory for God.
Why pastors help you? Did not they wish you to stay in his church by using the name of God?(Although he is antedated to do so)
Why ministers give money to the poor? Did not they wish you to vote them?
They are not in fault as all people for themselves. Think about it, did not ultimately pastor gain the most when you are success even sometimes they are the ones who cause you in trouble. Think about it, did not ultimately ministers are the one who makes you poor by taxes and false promises.
Do not trust with people you do not know, always leave a line with the people you meet. Regardless good friends or mere stranger. You can be merciful like Jesus by helping them when they need, but it is not necessary to do it all times. Just be with them, do not expose yourself too much will lead them has a thought you are a good guy.
Humans, are very complex. They want what they desire but are restrain towards their moral values. Pitiful are those who do not recognize themselves they are in such position but try to cover it with excuses.
Cut it off. Acknowledge you are a bastard. You will only protect what you think is worth belong to you and will betray them if needed for survival needs or protecting something more related to you.
It is alright to be like that, for everyone knows this story.
Hence start not to depend on your friends anymore, start your own research and be aggressive in obtaining information. Move your brain cells. Think plots and strategies to counter your enemies, slaughter them with no mercy. Mercy are given to those who are merciful and acknowledge themselves are evil but can do nothing. Is time for you to do so.
Do not regret only when you are hit by your enemy. Protect yourself, protect what are granted to you and forget about those life philosopher who think themselves are smarter and try to lecture you. Nor be sad when you are alone, as only alone will allow you to experience fear and slackness.
I thought of saying nothing much today, actually not. My soul has lots to say that is why I am here.
I do not know when i became so fearful that being ignore by others, I do not know actually I am that weak and fragile. People with talkative spirit are often timid and strength-less in their heart. This will be my process of being stronger. What is well commend if a kid do what he only know but did not struggle in life, how many praise available for someone who do not evil do good. It is because someone insisted on doing good by knowing evil, struggling with evil are appointed as great.
Jesus knows evil, but he give his best to become good. He succeeded and we are all safe.
The most difficult part in life is not about the challenges or the devastate circumstances you going through. The most difficult part is knowing something satisfy you are unreachable. Imagine you know hope is there, but the circumstances makes you unreachable towards that hope, a.k.a hopeless.
"I am done" , Such phrases will pop up, instinctively.
You blaming yourself?
It is a very good start, if you know to blame yourself instead complaining. Some people, do not even think themselves are in fault when facing such situation. The second thought you will think of is to turn over the tide, win back the game.
"I am going to do........, I will create......" such phrases will enlighten you to move forward. Give you hope.
Yet this spirit will not last, as frustration keep coming and coming, as emotions that ache your heart continue to flow in your vein. Most people are not design to take it. Hence,
They give up.
They begin to blame the divine or the spirits.
They begin to shred tears overflows the pillow.
They begin to lose their self-confidence.
They begin to abstain from the fear-factor.
They begin to live a new life, with a new scar craved to their soul.
Circles are endless, restraining your dreams and heights wished to achieve. Telling you to live in reality, do what is majority doing. This means, you getting old.
Religions gives you hope? For you to turn over the tide, gives you confidence in believing that God the almighty will empower you and allow you creates great work that honors him.
Come on, if the God you serve is a true and almighty God. Do you think your lips are enough to praise him or your great works are enough?
Please, you think a rich man will want a begger's shirt? If that shirt are specially made by my begger friend, I, as the rich man will accept it with tears but if I do not know the fella, you really I will have the time to take care of him.
According to oxford dictionary, a religion is an organized collection of beliefs, cultural systems, and world views that relate humanity to an order of existence. (2015, wikipedia)
Personally, I do not think religion gives you hope. I think it shape your mindset and character and allow you to success with a different manner. This can be also mean as your God are helping you by teaching you new things. Divine help from God. I respect every religion, please do not think I am a fascist to my own religion.
Yet, how can God help you if you do not acquire the characteristic or requirements for success? I have seen many religious people equipped with retard manners, making everyone pisses them off and become lonely and die in alone without soul mate along their life journey. What is written is only few of the minor successful case. Are you sure you will be the one?
If you are not sure then you should right now, packs your bags of your mind and begin to work hard to strive through life. So that at the end you will not regret and tears your soul out of your eyes, Pastors, ministers, teachers and otheres can talk what they want.They are trying to use you for their benefits, you must understand this before engage with such people. You must not let your guard down as the world really do not acquire people with kind heart. As all people has fallen short of the glory for God.
Why pastors help you? Did not they wish you to stay in his church by using the name of God?(Although he is antedated to do so)
Why ministers give money to the poor? Did not they wish you to vote them?
They are not in fault as all people for themselves. Think about it, did not ultimately pastor gain the most when you are success even sometimes they are the ones who cause you in trouble. Think about it, did not ultimately ministers are the one who makes you poor by taxes and false promises.
Do not trust with people you do not know, always leave a line with the people you meet. Regardless good friends or mere stranger. You can be merciful like Jesus by helping them when they need, but it is not necessary to do it all times. Just be with them, do not expose yourself too much will lead them has a thought you are a good guy.
Humans, are very complex. They want what they desire but are restrain towards their moral values. Pitiful are those who do not recognize themselves they are in such position but try to cover it with excuses.
Cut it off. Acknowledge you are a bastard. You will only protect what you think is worth belong to you and will betray them if needed for survival needs or protecting something more related to you.
It is alright to be like that, for everyone knows this story.
Hence start not to depend on your friends anymore, start your own research and be aggressive in obtaining information. Move your brain cells. Think plots and strategies to counter your enemies, slaughter them with no mercy. Mercy are given to those who are merciful and acknowledge themselves are evil but can do nothing. Is time for you to do so.
Do not regret only when you are hit by your enemy. Protect yourself, protect what are granted to you and forget about those life philosopher who think themselves are smarter and try to lecture you. Nor be sad when you are alone, as only alone will allow you to experience fear and slackness.
Friday, 18 September 2015
19/9/2015
I begin to think am I going to the wrong University. Not sure, but hope that's not real.
Everyday I walk by-past groups of groups of people, everyday I see them studying by groups and by groups they cheer and laugh and share the pain.
Painful.
I am not really that kind of person try to blame around the world, but sometimes, things just treat differently compare me to the others. Others are constantly supporting each other but way alone I studying in my hostel, facing windows and walls that I hate upon. Bloody hell.
Blaming does not solve anything I know, I GIVE UP, to the life where I will have a good university life that walk with a bunch of really good friends, I give up. I will never thought of it anymore. I will never thought of being a nice guy to everyone. If you treat me in such manner, I will double, triple to pay u back. You dishonor me, I will disgrace you as amounted you are worthless in this world.
I have grown up God, to an extend where I see all the traps are lying there; to an extend that I know everyone are not actually kind. They just want things from people, when they need you, they come with hypocritical manner. When they are full of their hands, they will just toss you as easy as you can imagine.
University did not teach me to have fun, rather to be cautious to everyone. Do not try to expose yourself to them. It is indeed you show your emotions to them, tell them what is your danger zone yet never- never tell them how you think that manner. No one is interested in that particular part, including me. Since everyone, just want the results.
Life, I learned.
Still got more to learn.
I begin to think am I going to the wrong University. Not sure, but hope that's not real.
Everyday I walk by-past groups of groups of people, everyday I see them studying by groups and by groups they cheer and laugh and share the pain.
Painful.
I am not really that kind of person try to blame around the world, but sometimes, things just treat differently compare me to the others. Others are constantly supporting each other but way alone I studying in my hostel, facing windows and walls that I hate upon. Bloody hell.
Blaming does not solve anything I know, I GIVE UP, to the life where I will have a good university life that walk with a bunch of really good friends, I give up. I will never thought of it anymore. I will never thought of being a nice guy to everyone. If you treat me in such manner, I will double, triple to pay u back. You dishonor me, I will disgrace you as amounted you are worthless in this world.
I have grown up God, to an extend where I see all the traps are lying there; to an extend that I know everyone are not actually kind. They just want things from people, when they need you, they come with hypocritical manner. When they are full of their hands, they will just toss you as easy as you can imagine.
University did not teach me to have fun, rather to be cautious to everyone. Do not try to expose yourself to them. It is indeed you show your emotions to them, tell them what is your danger zone yet never- never tell them how you think that manner. No one is interested in that particular part, including me. Since everyone, just want the results.
Life, I learned.
Still got more to learn.
Monday, 14 September 2015
14-9-2015
Today midnight I got up to pray and inquire the Lord about my childish actions regarding the case between my 2 friends. Chua Han and Yew Wey.
I asked the Lord:
"Is it right for me to find new friends and forsake them? Am I correct in that argument? "
The Lord replies:
"Does a friendship that compromises in every conversation you have with them make you comfortable? If is really, then go ahead and reunite with them. If not, go on life."
Yet my heart still unease of the decision I am going to make. I think I am just being a coward of said by people a betrayer in friendship. Zhao Tat are not sure at all, whether to make this decision. Then the Lord continues:
"Look, I desire to make new things. Yet why are you still niggling on the old past glory? You make new friends here, you make your power here, you build connections here. Not past there anymore, forget about those past glory."
"Remember the pharisees, they thought that I will restore them in restoring their past glories. How shallow. They only thought of that. Yet what I intended was greater, a salvation, that saves the whole world. "
Then I know, there is no power in the past. There is no power if we do not look at future. There is no new things if we keep on clinging and comparing with our former self. I look back from the picture, my heart was eased.
I need to go on, I got my hands so full. My future, grades, family, pride are on my shoulder. I cannot afford to lose. I must overcome, for the Lord will be my strength and I will answer his call, to fulfill all He wants but not my goal anymore. I believe, if I follow his ways. My dad, my two moms, brothers and sisters, they will proud of me.
Right now (2255, UTC), I am studying in the bean cafe. Freaking many couples here, I am one of the single in two of us. Haha.
Fight son, go go go. Chase your dreams! God, wants you to have no regret in life. If u really listen to those pastor who tell you do not enjoy life, ignore him. They are mainly try to control you and serve his own purposes. Do it, and glorify the Lord always, all times!
Samuel, the future. Comment on this, think and laugh bah...
Today midnight I got up to pray and inquire the Lord about my childish actions regarding the case between my 2 friends. Chua Han and Yew Wey.
I asked the Lord:
"Is it right for me to find new friends and forsake them? Am I correct in that argument? "
The Lord replies:
"Does a friendship that compromises in every conversation you have with them make you comfortable? If is really, then go ahead and reunite with them. If not, go on life."
Yet my heart still unease of the decision I am going to make. I think I am just being a coward of said by people a betrayer in friendship. Zhao Tat are not sure at all, whether to make this decision. Then the Lord continues:
"Look, I desire to make new things. Yet why are you still niggling on the old past glory? You make new friends here, you make your power here, you build connections here. Not past there anymore, forget about those past glory."
"Remember the pharisees, they thought that I will restore them in restoring their past glories. How shallow. They only thought of that. Yet what I intended was greater, a salvation, that saves the whole world. "
Then I know, there is no power in the past. There is no power if we do not look at future. There is no new things if we keep on clinging and comparing with our former self. I look back from the picture, my heart was eased.
I need to go on, I got my hands so full. My future, grades, family, pride are on my shoulder. I cannot afford to lose. I must overcome, for the Lord will be my strength and I will answer his call, to fulfill all He wants but not my goal anymore. I believe, if I follow his ways. My dad, my two moms, brothers and sisters, they will proud of me.
Right now (2255, UTC), I am studying in the bean cafe. Freaking many couples here, I am one of the single in two of us. Haha.
Fight son, go go go. Chase your dreams! God, wants you to have no regret in life. If u really listen to those pastor who tell you do not enjoy life, ignore him. They are mainly try to control you and serve his own purposes. Do it, and glorify the Lord always, all times!
Samuel, the future. Comment on this, think and laugh bah...
Thursday, 10 September 2015
9-10-2015
Human work, mainly because of motivation.
I watched a video about Doremon just now. It is not the normal doremon, is chapter whereby the battery of doremon ran off.
Nobita is sad.
Yet, there is no way to rescue him due to multiple reasons.
At the end, he studied hard to make Doremon back to life.
What i want to highlight is this samuel. A solely emotion, is enough to make someone create great things. It is not about the plans you wish to have, or the goals you want to attain BUT INSTEAD is the feelings, emotions that drives you, motivates you to work harder.
Often people who create great things, is because they are weak and helpless. That's why they thought of someway to solve the problem, and when the problem solve. A great thing born.
I know your main goal is to change the world, you never ease to thought of changing the world. Despite you constantly hide it through laughter, smile, jokes, playfulness and entertainment. Today, I am here to tell you. Don't do this anymore.
For only God knows the sorrow, if you hide it. What makes you man of sorrow?
Wednesday, 9 September 2015
22/7/2014
Today, I have rested in my very own way. That was too skip a day of school and rest in my own quietness.
Whole day was to sleep, was to do my own preference. Since i am sick, hence i slept the whole day. Forget about my tuition, forget about my own duties.
Then i went on to facebook, sawing lots of photo about friends with friends. A huge sourish emotions came upon to my heart. That I feel like being left out from the class. All of them together, where only me was left out. Everyone in the class was one, but only me was outside.
Today, I have rested in my very own way. That was too skip a day of school and rest in my own quietness.
Whole day was to sleep, was to do my own preference. Since i am sick, hence i slept the whole day. Forget about my tuition, forget about my own duties.
Then i went on to facebook, sawing lots of photo about friends with friends. A huge sourish emotions came upon to my heart. That I feel like being left out from the class. All of them together, where only me was left out. Everyone in the class was one, but only me was outside.
November
A lot of things happen in this month. First, I graduated; second, I act as a drummer in a prom night; Third, I went through a good and memorable S3 camp. Fourth, I was whacked by two Indian fellows and ended badly injured. Even though now is only 18th of November, yet many seems come through.
Lets talk slowly la.
Graduation,
Well, graduation is just a graduation. I actually don't really feel much. Indeed there is certainly some sadness that I am going to depart from my very own home school. After this graduation, I had no choice to face life. It is not simple to just abandon the environment that I adept in after 6 years. I might not popular in school, but it is a sin if I deny I don't love this school. Dozen of memories had I spent in this school.
I remember that how I chit-chat with Chua and Lim in school. I recalled that both of us talking about ideologies and theologies. I remember that how stupid and childish when I am young in this school. All of it is so embarrassing. Still, it is because of all these memories, there is me today.
Since, it is a graduation day. It is a culture of today to take pictures during a big day. I took several pic. Zhao Tat, when u come back to this site, take a look on it bah.I am sure it will really lift up your miserable lips.
A lot of things happen in this month. First, I graduated; second, I act as a drummer in a prom night; Third, I went through a good and memorable S3 camp. Fourth, I was whacked by two Indian fellows and ended badly injured. Even though now is only 18th of November, yet many seems come through.
Lets talk slowly la.
Graduation,
Well, graduation is just a graduation. I actually don't really feel much. Indeed there is certainly some sadness that I am going to depart from my very own home school. After this graduation, I had no choice to face life. It is not simple to just abandon the environment that I adept in after 6 years. I might not popular in school, but it is a sin if I deny I don't love this school. Dozen of memories had I spent in this school.
I remember that how I chit-chat with Chua and Lim in school. I recalled that both of us talking about ideologies and theologies. I remember that how stupid and childish when I am young in this school. All of it is so embarrassing. Still, it is because of all these memories, there is me today.
Since, it is a graduation day. It is a culture of today to take pictures during a big day. I took several pic. Zhao Tat, when u come back to this site, take a look on it bah.I am sure it will really lift up your miserable lips.
(Recieving the cert)
( taking best photo with the best chinese teacher)
( A long yearn pic to take with your 1st love)
(The best kindest woman in the whole school)
Prom Night,
This, is the worst prom I have ever been. Everything seems so messed up. Over performance, no leadership, no cooperative, nothing! Before the day I already tell the leader to make the technician come by at 3 o'clock. End up, the fellow come by 5.30! Our event starts at 7 sharp weh. The leader still want to bark at us, she literally useless man.
I have no idea why is she the chairman of this prom. Brainless de. At that day, what I had was y.h messages that calmed me down. Well, I didn't take any food that day. I am tired. For I reach there 2.30 pm, until end of the event 12 am. Still, what do encourage me was Chua and Lim and y.h messages. Without all of them, I think I will surely scold all of the committees. A bunch of jokers! O f course la, yan wei and John helped me lot too, to stabilize my emotions.
I learned two things in this prom. One, if you are famous, whatever shit u shit is not shit yet gold. Second, is better to be nobody where there is somebody.. I do take quite number of pics. Zhao Tat, look at it when you are old. Maybe it will bring sweetness in your heart leh...
(The bros)
(The team)
(Being Gay with zhong han)
(The men)
S3 Camp
For 1st, I really thought this camp will be boring. Since everyone has their own gang. I thought I might ended up being alone. Hence, I didn't really hope for it. But when it is over, a sudden sadness come into my heart. I remember that camp where we almost die due to landslides. That was really awesome and trauma. Hahahahaha, dont know what to say but is really fun!
2015 September
How long did not I visited this site. This is my little tiny place that can throws my sorrow. Dear Samuel, I know you are having a tough time hence you are here. I understand. Yet if u take a look behind your ways, you actually accomplish many things that beyond your strength at the past.
Regards.
From 2014 - 2015:
After UEC graduation, I worked as a tuition teacher at bayu for 2 months. It is indeed a short but memorable journey of mine. I get to inspire students with my works of way. Not sure whether they remind me of not, it is indeed a sweet journey that I have been through.
With money, many things can be achieve. Choices are your friends with the currency you currently have. But I believe, something unique in our hearts are not allowed to be bought by currency, our dignity of viewing things. I wrote to you now.Yet before I wrote to you, my soul been through trouble. I was here typing alone in UTAR library at third floor.
Before that, I read through facebook and find out that a friend of mine, Chua Han, you deeply admire and eager to forge your soul with him together, had actually long ago decided to isolate you and do not actually understand you at all. This now brings me back when we fought, why we fought and how we ended the fought. Although it does not really ended, the scenario and words are still roaming around my head as is avenging my rash actions.
It all started from June where we are having a conversation about uni-life, where comes yew wey starts attacking me saying that I have not found passion in life. Well, I am angry because I do not wish to be lecture by a guy who have nothing and depending on mama pocket too survive. His words are concise, vigorous, pissing me off as usual. To shut his mouth, I replied,
“Come on, is my life la."
Of course, he pissed off and told me that he does not wish to continue this conversation more. Then of course, I too, ended the call. After several days, I informed Chua Han this matter and told him that I will not skype with yew wey for some time to let this issue lower down. From then onward, he began isolating me. I did tried my best to contact them, but just failed or rejected by them without mercy.
The old man of me, what will you think if you read back this passage? I hope you will laugh with joy and say is just a small matter or you will come back and give a comment that 3 of you have forge back the relationship to a deeper level. Haha
Anyway, this young me now think of this. If I have to always tolerant them, what for us being friends? Even thought friendship comes with hardship, yet true friendship is actually forge by disagree.
皇路当清逸，含和吐明廷。时穷皆乃先，一一崔丹青。
I have seen their true face, their true identity. Best is to stay away from them, forget them. For they change their opinions at ease, they will not reveal themselves to you but wish to gain your trust. I must forget about them. Must! I must be cruel enough to forget, when days comes, I will scoff at their ideas and mourn at their incapability, the wisdom that they believe on overall is nothing but blasphemy.
Good is you realize it now. Leave them, let them have their own fun. While you will have your own joy in your new environment. These call your best friends are actually try to know you more and manipulate you. Believe in the word of God, do not lose hope for new things. For the strength will come when you wait upon the Lord.
Although, I am going for finals now. I should not have time to think for such things, it agitates me every moment I thought of them. I must purge evil from my circles. I must be the one I desire to. Hence I wrote to ease my heart.
I want to find new friends and wish to find a friendship where is long-lasting; I wish to find something that can last, that is unique within me and them. Will God help me? I sure He will.
Come back, finals are tough at this moment. Biotechnology is my course, it is tough man. Although things seems tough, I believe I will have the push to study, for the Lord will be my strength. (Studying in library, 9/9/2015, 1522 UTC)
How long did not I visited this site. This is my little tiny place that can throws my sorrow. Dear Samuel, I know you are having a tough time hence you are here. I understand. Yet if u take a look behind your ways, you actually accomplish many things that beyond your strength at the past.
Regards.
From 2014 - 2015:
After UEC graduation, I worked as a tuition teacher at bayu for 2 months. It is indeed a short but memorable journey of mine. I get to inspire students with my works of way. Not sure whether they remind me of not, it is indeed a sweet journey that I have been through.
With money, many things can be achieve. Choices are your friends with the currency you currently have. But I believe, something unique in our hearts are not allowed to be bought by currency, our dignity of viewing things. I wrote to you now.Yet before I wrote to you, my soul been through trouble. I was here typing alone in UTAR library at third floor.
Before that, I read through facebook and find out that a friend of mine, Chua Han, you deeply admire and eager to forge your soul with him together, had actually long ago decided to isolate you and do not actually understand you at all. This now brings me back when we fought, why we fought and how we ended the fought. Although it does not really ended, the scenario and words are still roaming around my head as is avenging my rash actions.
It all started from June where we are having a conversation about uni-life, where comes yew wey starts attacking me saying that I have not found passion in life. Well, I am angry because I do not wish to be lecture by a guy who have nothing and depending on mama pocket too survive. His words are concise, vigorous, pissing me off as usual. To shut his mouth, I replied,
“Come on, is my life la."
Of course, he pissed off and told me that he does not wish to continue this conversation more. Then of course, I too, ended the call. After several days, I informed Chua Han this matter and told him that I will not skype with yew wey for some time to let this issue lower down. From then onward, he began isolating me. I did tried my best to contact them, but just failed or rejected by them without mercy.
The old man of me, what will you think if you read back this passage? I hope you will laugh with joy and say is just a small matter or you will come back and give a comment that 3 of you have forge back the relationship to a deeper level. Haha
Anyway, this young me now think of this. If I have to always tolerant them, what for us being friends? Even thought friendship comes with hardship, yet true friendship is actually forge by disagree.
皇路当清逸，含和吐明廷。时穷皆乃先，一一崔丹青。
I have seen their true face, their true identity. Best is to stay away from them, forget them. For they change their opinions at ease, they will not reveal themselves to you but wish to gain your trust. I must forget about them. Must! I must be cruel enough to forget, when days comes, I will scoff at their ideas and mourn at their incapability, the wisdom that they believe on overall is nothing but blasphemy.
Good is you realize it now. Leave them, let them have their own fun. While you will have your own joy in your new environment. These call your best friends are actually try to know you more and manipulate you. Believe in the word of God, do not lose hope for new things. For the strength will come when you wait upon the Lord.
Although, I am going for finals now. I should not have time to think for such things, it agitates me every moment I thought of them. I must purge evil from my circles. I must be the one I desire to. Hence I wrote to ease my heart.
I want to find new friends and wish to find a friendship where is long-lasting; I wish to find something that can last, that is unique within me and them. Will God help me? I sure He will.
Come back, finals are tough at this moment. Biotechnology is my course, it is tough man. Although things seems tough, I believe I will have the push to study, for the Lord will be my strength. (Studying in library, 9/9/2015, 1522 UTC)
Monday, 17 November 2014
30/10/2014
Finally, is over. Everything that I had prepared for, has over. Deep in my heart is very sorrowful due to unsatisfied during my UEC exam. Now here am I , lingering, resting, glimpsing everything that the world have gave me. Seriously, I have no idea what shall I do after this thing. Well, I do have plenty of plans. Earn some money, take up taekwondo lesson, chase ying hui and other sort of things I wish to do.
But for all of this, pls let me take a rest 1st. Nights ~~
Finally, is over. Everything that I had prepared for, has over. Deep in my heart is very sorrowful due to unsatisfied during my UEC exam. Now here am I , lingering, resting, glimpsing everything that the world have gave me. Seriously, I have no idea what shall I do after this thing. Well, I do have plenty of plans. Earn some money, take up taekwondo lesson, chase ying hui and other sort of things I wish to do.
But for all of this, pls let me take a rest 1st. Nights ~~
1/10/2014
A exams rushing like wind coming into my life, I began panic instead of staying calm. Financial problem, friends issue.etc. Has really being a big problem in my freaking life. I am a normal person, at such times still I will face exhaustion. I began to search for work to help on my tuition fees, began to play lesser game and study harder, began my insomnia month. Damn pek cek weh.
Yet what could I do, it is for my very own future. If I give up, I would had lost everything in my life. Each dream that I wish to dream, each goal I wish to achieve, would rather be vanished instead of appearing in my life.
Well, life as usual. I still go on prayer meeting, I still go on Sunday services, I still seek advice from Gabriel, I still pray for strength to overcome the sin I have. Yet in bottom of my heart I know, I am damn tired. Trying to taint my soul into sin to sleep, failed not succeed. Trying to take a good night sleep, adrenaline rush due to stress. Trying to study freaking hard, yet my body cannot take it. Who can help me currently, where all of mine, has gone.
Thursday, 4 September 2014
3/9/2014
3/9/2014
I could say that this is after a very long time i have come here to type on something again, but nah you know, senior 3 students are a little bit busier than they thought. Recently, i have decided to really put my effort up in order to further up my studies in future. Hence, time management is out of order and the time i left, sad to say but i had use it for games.
Currently i am at the chrome lab to study with Lim, he is going out to take some water and so i came across this idea, to type before him and than study later. This is why am i here^^
Anyway, senior 3 life is boring like shit. Even do the exams is quite tough and make me feel very interesting but the preparation is way hell than ever you could thought off. Still, I deeply believe that I will make the best record of myself. Race up to the top of my hill, and win this freaking race.
I have asked God numerous times about my suffering and why can't have my success in my freaking life. There is no answer for ages and I feel like hitting my head on the bricks.
One day, God replied me... Can you believe it? He replied to me when i am on board of a bus. Suck moment, but very surprising.
He told me:
"Son, you always complained about your failures and why there are so many stones in your path. First of all, why are you complaining? "
He continued:
"Didn't i said that my grace will be sufficient for you daily? Didn't i defeat death alone? Didn't i forgive you when your screw was loosen? And here you are to complaining to me that your life wasn't good enough. what problem are you?"
then i argued:
"God, but it is just not fair that people can go through life as easy as they like, they have no problems with their life, but i have! That's not fair! "
Then only i realize that I have said the wrong thing. Still, my heart didn't want to lose out in this private conversation. Thought that He will seize me and straight leave out of my life, He didn't, yet He asked:
"Son, are you strong? "
"No, i am weak like shit."
"Tell me, do you think you strong?"
"NO! Only in Christ i am strong."
"See, that's it. You are mine, son. Look at you yourself right now, didn't you are strong? The reason why i put this rock in your path is not that i wish to make your life tougher or for you to prove me that you are strong. The reason why i put this rock in of your life is so that you will become strong by depending on me."
I confused...
"Look at you right now, failures and failures, yet you still stand up and never fall. Look at you, didn't all the mess makes you think further and further. Look at you right now, didn't you become stronger? The way you deal with people and anger, the way where you handling your crisis and emotions. Didn't they improved? "
"You are weak, but with me you will be strong. Depend on me, for I am a Jealous God. My people stray their path and mocked me. Hence, I discipline them by scattering them. Then what did I do? Didn't i rebuild their nation? Didn't I raise them to be the most powerful people on the earth?"
"In the end, trust Me. For i am the truth, the way and the light. Trust Me, for i am the good shepherd that will lay his life for his sheep. Trust me and go on without complaining. Or then do you want me to come with a graceful heart or a rod for discipline. "
I there listening, asleep for a moment but in the deepest heart i know that God has touched me and empowered me.
Therefore, here am I talking to you today.
Bye~
I could say that this is after a very long time i have come here to type on something again, but nah you know, senior 3 students are a little bit busier than they thought. Recently, i have decided to really put my effort up in order to further up my studies in future. Hence, time management is out of order and the time i left, sad to say but i had use it for games.
Currently i am at the chrome lab to study with Lim, he is going out to take some water and so i came across this idea, to type before him and than study later. This is why am i here^^
Anyway, senior 3 life is boring like shit. Even do the exams is quite tough and make me feel very interesting but the preparation is way hell than ever you could thought off. Still, I deeply believe that I will make the best record of myself. Race up to the top of my hill, and win this freaking race.
I have asked God numerous times about my suffering and why can't have my success in my freaking life. There is no answer for ages and I feel like hitting my head on the bricks.
One day, God replied me... Can you believe it? He replied to me when i am on board of a bus. Suck moment, but very surprising.
He told me:
"Son, you always complained about your failures and why there are so many stones in your path. First of all, why are you complaining? "
He continued:
"Didn't i said that my grace will be sufficient for you daily? Didn't i defeat death alone? Didn't i forgive you when your screw was loosen? And here you are to complaining to me that your life wasn't good enough. what problem are you?"
then i argued:
"God, but it is just not fair that people can go through life as easy as they like, they have no problems with their life, but i have! That's not fair! "
Then only i realize that I have said the wrong thing. Still, my heart didn't want to lose out in this private conversation. Thought that He will seize me and straight leave out of my life, He didn't, yet He asked:
"Son, are you strong? "
"No, i am weak like shit."
"Tell me, do you think you strong?"
"NO! Only in Christ i am strong."
"See, that's it. You are mine, son. Look at you yourself right now, didn't you are strong? The reason why i put this rock in your path is not that i wish to make your life tougher or for you to prove me that you are strong. The reason why i put this rock in of your life is so that you will become strong by depending on me."
I confused...
"Look at you right now, failures and failures, yet you still stand up and never fall. Look at you, didn't all the mess makes you think further and further. Look at you right now, didn't you become stronger? The way you deal with people and anger, the way where you handling your crisis and emotions. Didn't they improved? "
"You are weak, but with me you will be strong. Depend on me, for I am a Jealous God. My people stray their path and mocked me. Hence, I discipline them by scattering them. Then what did I do? Didn't i rebuild their nation? Didn't I raise them to be the most powerful people on the earth?"
"In the end, trust Me. For i am the truth, the way and the light. Trust Me, for i am the good shepherd that will lay his life for his sheep. Trust me and go on without complaining. Or then do you want me to come with a graceful heart or a rod for discipline. "
I there listening, asleep for a moment but in the deepest heart i know that God has touched me and empowered me.
Therefore, here am I talking to you today.
Bye~
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)